The outcry created this month by Seoul city government’s advice for expectant mothers – including tips on how to cater to their husband’s every need while heavily pregnant – has reignited the debate over why so many South Korean women are choosing not to have children.
The guidelines, issued by the city’s pregnancy and childbirth information centre, were taken down in response to online fury, but not before they had provided a telling insight into attitudes towards gender roles in South Korea, one of the world’s most advanced economies.
Women should keep their weight in check, the advice went, by gazing at clothes they wore before they were pregnant. As they reach their due date, they should ensure that their husbands have enough ready meals and changes of clothes to sustain them for the few days they are left to fend for themselves.
And when they return home with the new addition to the family, they should avoid the postnatal “dishevelled” look by slipping on a hair band.
But pressure to adhere to traditional gender roles is only one reason why more South Korean women are shunning marriage and family life, adding to fears for the country’s population and long-term economic health.
The furore over the pregnancy tips came just weeks after government figures showed that South Korea’s population declined for the first time, with 275,815 recorded births and 307,764 deaths last year.
The previous month, data revealed that almost one in five couples who married in 2015 were still childless. According to Statistics Korea, about 18% of the 216,008 couples who married that year had not had children, compared with just under 13% in 2012.
South Korea’s government has had little success in encouraging couples to have more children, despite incentives that include a one-off payment of 1m won [£666] for pregnant women and 6m won to married couples if they each take three months off work to look after their young children.
In 2019, the country’s fertility rate – the average number of children a woman has during her lifetime – stood at 0.92, the lowest among OECD countries.
“Since many South Korean women have jobs these days, they are reluctant to have babies because it is extremely difficult to work and raise a child at the same time,” said Kim Seong-kon, a professor emeritus of English at Seoul National University.
“Besides, pregnant women have to face serious disadvantages at work in South Korea. To make matters worse, many childcare facilities are not trustworthy, and good ones are hard to get into,” Kim wrote in the Korea Herald.
Choi Mi-yeon, a 32-year-old woman from Seoul, was forced to rethink plans to combine a career with family life as soon as she started job hunting.
After studying international trade in Europe, she was stunned by the questions she was asked by prospective employers. “I had interviews at several mid-sized Korean companies and was asked if I planned to marry”, she said. “One even told me it would be difficult for them if I got married as they would have to grant me paid maternity leave.
“Now I’m not sure about having children, as there is a chance my future husband will leave all the child-rearing and housework to me. I know Korean men are changing, but what if I end up with someone who still wants to do things the old-fashioned way?”
Government incentives for young couples announced by the president, Moon Jae-in, ignore much bigger financial obstacles to starting a family, such as high education and housing costs, said Seoul resident Yoo Nara.
“It would have been nice to have children and start a family, but after a lot of soul-searching, I decided against it,” Yoo, 37, said. “It would mean too much sacrifice and suffering on my part. It’s a shame, because I love kids, but they’re luxuries I can’t afford. I’ll just have to make do with my nieces and nephews.”
Financial pressures aside, Yoo said she feared marriage would force her to adopt the same role her mother had played in the family home.
“I remember watching her work nonstop around the home, including several times a year when the in-laws visited. They and my father just sat around eating and chatting while she ran around after them.”
Seoul city’s advice to pregnant women was “nothing new,” she said. “Many Korean men and women still think that way. Especially the older generation and younger people who think that what older people say is the right thing to do, no matter how stupid it sounds.”
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