Jeff Stelling declares himself a true sports broadcasting giant
He's not kidding this time: Jeff Stelling has finally hung up his shoes at Sky Sports.
His performance at the latest Gillette Labs Soccer Special was the quintessential Stelling: sharp, funny, long-suffering, modest, in complete control. Of course, there can be no direct broadcaster – not in sports, not in anything – to surpass him in the last 25 years.
His wordplay will be missed. Space and propriety get in the way of reproducing a full shocking list of Jeff's most nefarious puns, but let's welcome the next few.
“Henrik Ojamaa scored for Motherwell. He has a brother who plays in Estonia, so they are an Oyamaa couple.” Prominent, as was the suggestion that “goalkeeper Dean Gerken was momentarily in a quandary.” My personal favorite remains the description of Mansfield's Gareth Jellyman being given a red card with the words “Jelliman reeling” or perhaps “a goal for Dean Parrett, Dean Parrett”.
Jeff's sense of fun lit up countless weekends. Sunday's montage showed him dressed as a firefighter, a rapper with a hat worn backwards, wearing a hot pink wig. Over the years, we've seen him lose his Internet connection to an enthusiastic dog, be caught eating a bag of chips, celebrate a goal with such enthusiasm that his tie-clip microphone fell off, meaning he had to pronounce your next few remarks Paul Merson's chest, beat the air about Hartlepool, rant about Middlesbrough.
We've seen him deal with firefighters showing up at the studio, receiving a live phone call from Sky's broadband support (I hope he's more fortunate than the average player), picking up a half-eaten Twix from Merson . .
Stelling gets his last standing ovation at football on Saturday
He is the father of three but has dozens more. Another of his major contributions is to the chaotic writings of Merson, Charlie Nicholas, Phil Thompson, and others, as well as to former professionals of a later generation, such as Chris Boyd and Clinton Morrison.
To regularly receive something half-coherent, or at least broadcastable, from some of his peers for so many years was nothing short of heroic. Morrison, Boyd, Merson and Michael Dawson stood up to give him a standing ovation, and fellow former stalwarts such as Clive Allen and Matt Le Tissier were recorded.
Stelling said that Sir Elton John called him, and, of course, Chris Kamara, with whom he will forever be associated, thanked him.
Mark Pugach summed up Stelling's genius by tweeting: An introduction to the brilliant Jeff Stelling for doing both with such style, humor and authority.”
He is still bowing in his pomp. On Sunday, Jeff had to explain to Merson that Everton had a player named Yerry Mina and not the Minamina the Magician was talking about.
He responded to Jeff Shrives' farewell with “cheers Jeff” with “cheers Jeff”. He apologized to Gary Neville for being rude to Salford. He hasn't apologized for his recent impassioned plea for eating disorders and mental health.
He described Sue Smith as “a flamboyant Everton fan, nervous as a kitten”. He reciprocated Alan McInally by telling him, “I love you, by the way, Jeff”, saying, “The feeling is mutual—I have to say it because he's bigger than me.”
With the BT Sport version of the show also coming to an end yesterday, and the availability of goal videos online, it's possible that the end of the Stelling era could be the end of the format.
Soccer AM also pulled out this weekend; the only surprise was that it was included at all. The Wacky Morning Magazine Show has been limping since its mainstay Helen Chamberlain left in 2017; it would be a shame if the panel and heads format lingered without Jeff, a pale imitation, although no one would want Merce to be released into the wild.
At the end, Stelling said a few words of thanks, adding as a modest digression: “It's kind of a monologue, isn't it?” In fact, he was not just a soloist, but a great conductor.
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