Roger Federer: Amex Black Card Tim Henman? Photo: Getty Images/Julian Finney.
Meet the new Roger Federer. The same as the old Federer, with one significant difference. This week, for the first time in living memory, he played shamefully.
Not on his first return to Wimbledon since retiring, where he was given a standing ovation on Tuesday that may continue if the Princess of Wales didn't tell him to sit down. No, it was his guest appearance in Zurich for Coldplay, a real wish list for people who spent their university summers interning at major investment banks. Federer ruined his homecoming by woefully late with Chris Martin, despite his crucial role in the group: Shaker's head shaker.
In a safer position in SW19, Federer is still the biggest tennis star in the minds of Wimbledon fans. It's not often you see someone more sophisticated than a real princess, but it was Federer who waved blissfully from the Royal Box. Unlike Bjorn Borg or Usain Bolt, who left their sport after retiring, Federer seems determined to stay and tennis couldn't ask for a better ambassador. It exudes taste, meticulous tailoring and Central European charm. It looks like he shaves every hour so that there is not even a hint of stubble.
So, Federer 2.0. A charming, disarmingly natural, consummate room worker, but now stripped of his superpower. His brand is an old-school luxury that requires a certain amount of self-confidence. You can't be the face of Rolex and Moet and take part in the TikTok Challenge Rankings, which hit the hardest slap in the 1990s. But only great artists and athletes can be completely far away. Beyoncé's loud statements are her albums, and Federer is his forehand. Now, to some extent, he, like everyone else, has to work in the corner of relationships.
It can be tricky given its symbiosis with tennis, which is both the most luxurious yet least cool sport. He used the phrase, seemingly in earnest: “My dear friend Anna Wintour.” The day after Coldplay, he watched Elton John and dutifully called the experience “cult” on Twitter. No stage role this time, by the way, given Elton's commitment to supporting young talent, hence the guest verse on “Tiny Dancer” for Holger Rune.
Little by little, Federer will become much like any other retired sports star in many ways. This myth is easy to prolong as long as you play and win from inexplicable angles. But mythmaking requires constant polishing. How long can people who talk about Federer go on talking about him without any new additions to his collection?
There's a BBC Sport trailer coming up, but it's hard to imagine Federer saying anything , other than nice, supportive words about the players he's faced so recently. In addition, those who master the sport with the genius of their flair often have little to add as analysts.
And what else? Going back to Wimbledon every year for the best seats and talk of hospitality over a bun with the people who invented Sipsmith's gin? A bit of criticism, a signature video for official meetings, a light dinner after dinner? Essentially become Tim Henman's Amex black card?
If this all sounds a bit ridiculous, then there is the hopeful example of David Bekhan, who is now something more than tattooed wallpaper, but with a decidedly unwavering commercial appeal. What you envision will be Federer's ultimate goal, a premium Beck. aka Peroni.
No amount of accolades could undermine the reputation he has earned throughout his career. It would take a real PR disaster to have any effect on his combined 42 million followers on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Threads, although it should be noted that he currently trails your correspondent at 66 followers to zero in the latter. You can keep your 20 Grand Slams, Roger.
It would be remiss not to mention his philanthropy, his eponymous Foundation, the fact that he seems not only pleasant, but also quite reasonable. The only certainty is that the features of its brilliance will disappear. The intelligence of his game, his ability to surprise, a life measured by an absurd topspin.
When these things are far away, what will be left? It is to be hoped that this is more than an extremely talented billboard.
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