Judy Murray first noticed physical signs of stress after Andy's first Grand Slam title at the US Open in 2012. Photo: WTA
Judy Murray looked down at her hands. They were shaking.
It's been less than a week since her son Andy won the 2012 US Open, his first Grand Slam title. It was everything he worked so hard for, all the sacrifices they made as a family were worth it. She should have been delighted, and she was. But she could not help the treacherous trembling in her fingers.
After the hype in New York, she returned to Scotland for a charity advisory board meeting and met a friend from her student days. “He told me are you okay? I said, «Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,» says Murray, reflecting publicly for the first time more than a decade later. “I’m so used to taking care of myself. But he said you're not okay. He looked at my hands, I looked, and I was really shaking. I just said it was manic.”
While Murray tried to distract attention from her trembling, her friend insisted. “He said: I have a boyfriend who I talk to when life gets too difficult for me, here is his number. I looked at him, this huge, hulking ex-rugby player, and thought, really? But we all have things that affect us.”
2012 was a significant year for the Murray family. Judy was the captain of the UK Fed Cup tennis team, traveling the world as a coach. Then there was a roller coaster summer for Andy: his heart-rending tears at Wimbledon after the bitter disappointment of losing the final to Roger Federer; the ecstasy of revenge for this loss of Olympic gold on Center Court; and a month later, he finally got rid of the monkey by winning in New York.
Andy winning the US Open 2012 was a cathartic moment for him and his mother. Photo: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images
But happiness and relief quickly turned into a heavy fog for the woman who became the world's most famous tennis mother. “This year has been absolutely consistent,” says Murray. “Dealing with ups and downs, I think you go with that at the time. Then you go home and I just don't want to move. My friend gave me the number of this guy he was talking to, his doctor friend. It took me about six days to call him, I was definitely one where I thought I could figure it out myself. Everything will be fine. But the fog did not dissipate.”
Murray picked up the phone and called for help. She only spoke to this doctor a couple of times, but that was enough to bring her back to her senses.
Now for the first time she talks about her experience, as she wants to inspire other women within her. tennis to ask for help if they need it too. She is leading the Women's Tennis Association and Modern Health's collaborative effort to destigmatize mental health with the new Youtube series The Real Me, highlighting the support the tour has provided for over 20 years.
“There are probably still people who treat me like an older tennis player,” says Murray. “If you can show a lot of different people and women in the tennis world the importance of taking care of you, then it can only be good.”
She thinks it's become harder for her to ask for help. because she is «so used to solving other people's problems and being strong for other people». In the end, this approach to life helped her family achieve all their dreams.
She raised two boys from Dunblane, a place with no tennis training, to become world No. 1 tennis players and Wimbledon champions (Andy in singles and elder brother Jamie in doubles). She has also had a leading coaching career in a sport that often upstages female coaches, laughed while performing on Dancing with the Stars, became a columnist for Telegraph Sport, and has written two books, including her recently released debut novel, Wild Card. ”, and now the grandmother is five years old. However, at the same time, she had to firmly navigate life, being in the spotlight.
Murray could not hide in the background at Wimbledon for a long time. But we meet just a short walk up the hill from the All England Club, in a rented house on a quiet side street away from the crowds.
It's been a few days since Andy was bitterly disappointed with his elimination in the second round, and just hours before Jamie's loss in the men's doubles quarter-finals. Murray has been coming to Wimbledon to watch her sons play for over 20 years, but the stress of it all has never lessened.
The anxiety of watching her boys play never lessened
Away from the noise of the most important tournament on the Murray tennis calendar, it opens. In particular, about how hard it was for her to deal with the level of public attention she received over the years. Especially at the height of Andy's career, she was portrayed as bossy, too involved, too much. Did she ever want to regret that many years ago she did not sit in Andy's box on Center Court, but preferred a quieter life?
“I'm not a fan of looking back and living,” says Murray. “There is no point. We had a great adventure, it was an absolute blast in many ways. As someone who used to sit on the couch watching Wimbledon black and white TV with my mom, I never, ever imagined myself doing what I do or my kids lifting trophies at Wimbledon. It's unbelievable what the boys have achieved.”
She pauses, choosing her words carefully: “There are times when I probably wish I could be more anonymous. But there was no way for me to stay away.”
“Andy had such a hard time, it was so hard for me”
The pressure, she emphasizes, was solely on Andy, as he carried British tennis hopes on his shoulders for the better part of a decade, with years of disappointments including four losses in Grand Slam finals before he lifted his first trophy. As his mother, she indirectly experienced some of that weight and it was difficult to manage attention at the time.
“At some point, I went and took a three-day public relations course to better understand the media,” she says. “It was so hard for Andy, it was really hard for me. But since this is Wimbledon and this is on the BBC, there are no commercial breaks, 25 seconds between points, 90 seconds on transitions, cameras and commentators have to move somewhere. That's how they'll find you. If boys played football or rugby, I would be in the crowd with everyone, and no one would know that I exist. jpg» /> Hitting the golf course helped Murray deal with stress. Photo: WTA
Now Murray travels less, mostly attending larger events. In the early years, she was much more hands-on. While some parents outsource their child's career to experts as soon as possible, Murray initially took on much of that responsibility. She describes touring in those days as «like a vacation, but no fun.» She learned how to file tax returns around the world, took a crash course in public relations, learned to be vigilant — more experienced people on the tennis tour told her what and who to watch out for — and pored over the fine print in sponsorship contracts.< /p>
“In team sports, you are signed by the club, they pay you your salary and bonuses, set your schedule, pay for your training and uniforms – you as a parent don’t have to do anything. But in an individual sport, like tennis, everything should be done by the parents. I learned how to manage the life and business of professional players. Many would not understand this. Before we had no money, so much of what I learned, I learned out of necessity.
“Once they got to the stage where they could afford to pay coaches and other people to do things, happy days, I could step back. But when they criticize you, for example: “Why is she always there?”, you think that these are my children, why should I not be there? It was difficult, but I don't think I ever showed it to anyone.»
She also didn't have anyone to advise her on how hard it would be. Scotland had never had a major tennis champion before, and Andy was trying to end the 77-year wait for the British Wimbledon champion. The level of fame was unlike anything the Murray family could have been prepared for. Perhaps only the lightning-fast arrival of Emma Raducanou can match her.
Jamie Murray and Jelena Jankovic won the 2007 Wimbledon Mixed Doubles title year. – 16 years later, her eldest son is still enjoying the competition. Photo: Julian Finney/Getty Images
Murray won't reveal if she gave advice to Radukan's parents on how to deal with this unique lifestyle, but she says she was always there to help tennis parents who asked for it.
“I always wished there was someone I could ask. All children are different, all situations are different, but you can warn them of the many potential pitfalls. I think with younger players I am always very clear on the importance of investing in the physical side because if your body is not working, you are not working. A lot depends on being smart. It's about working with quality, not quantity.
“A lot of it has to do with finding the right people and the right places at the right time. You need people who will be with you for a long time. You don't want people who just want instant fame and fortune. But it is not an easy path.”
Wimbledon can seem like fun for Murray most of the time, and she had a sweet moment earlier this week when her one-year-old granddaughter sat on her lap in the stands for the first time, watching Jamie. However, most of the time she has a hard time looking at her sons at SW19.
She describes the Center Court box, where you mingle with the opposing team, as a «cauldron» and «a terrible place to watch.» Aside from the obvious stress she feels in wanting Andy and Jamie to succeed, she also hates having everyone stare at her. She shows Telegraph Sport how she learned to quickly celebrate the air, regaining a neutral expression in a matter of seconds, so that the cameras switch to another location. According to her, she restrains her instinctive reactions for fear of appearing aggressive, as she was in the early days.
“Waving my fist, I looked a little crazy”
“Always baring my teeth, swinging my fist, I looked a little crazy. It was almost unacceptable to do it as a mom, whereas if I did it as a dad or, of course, if I was at a football game, it would be expected. Much of that early criticism stays with you. But most people understand that I am not the way I was painted. I think Strictly has helped me a lot. I think a lot of people see what I've done in tennis to try and develop the game, I go out and get my hands dirty so people recognize that I've done a lot with it.»
If things had been different, she might have quit her job as a tennis mom by now. But Andy and Jamie's stubborn determination to squeeze as much tennis out of their bodies as possible means she's still in the stands at Wimbledon every year. Did she ever think that she would still be looking after both of her sons, aged 36 and 37? She shakes her head, laughing.
“They still love it. They love the fight. They love sports. I never imagined that I would still be with them, but that's what they want to do. And as long as they want it, they will continue. Who knows how much more. But when you saw Andy's performance the other day against world No. 5 Stefanos Tsitsipas, when he has a metal hip and four kids, it's unreal what he's been through.»
Off the court, she's learned to find time for her mental health, leaving for the Scottish countryside, and more recently playing golf. But when you sit in the stands and watch her kids play, it's harder to find survival mechanisms.
«I keep saying I need someone to invent intravenous wine,» she jokes . “If I have a Pimm’s under my seat, someone will notice and it will end up being a photo. But no, it hasn't gotten easier over the years.»
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