Serge Gnabry misses a chance during Germany's defeat to Turkey in Berlin, one of three defeats in Julian Nagelsmann's four-match history under control. Photo: RONNIE HARTMANN/AFP via Getty Images)
The Gareth Southgate era in England has reached a Brexit stage where each side of the debate is hemmed in, blinkered and furious. To some, he is the country's most successful coach since Alf Ramsey. For others, he is a cunning bottler, wasting the platinum generation.
Both sides have their points, but one motivation that many overlook in favor of the latter camp is boredom. That's understandable after three tournaments and seven years – a longer reign than any Premier League manager except Jurgen Klopp and Pep Guardiola. Perhaps Southgate's detractors would prefer the current German imbroglio. The economic miracle falters and the fragile coalition government struggles with a budget crisis. The best part is that the football team is a complete mess.
This week's 2-0 defeat to Austria capped a terrible 11-game year with three wins and six defeats. The “new Germany” is dysfunctional, like England in the 2000s, with worse players. Leroy Sane is sent off for irritability. Kai Havertz plays as a left wing-back. Mats Hummels is still in the team. Doesn't this add some context to England's main current concern: can Trent Alexander-Arnold play in midfield?
Leroy Sane sent off for striking Austrian Philippe Mwene right under the referee's nose. Photo: Stefan Matzk/sampics/Corbis via Getty Images
This was to be a renewal phase for the German team after the double turmoil of successive World Cup group stage exits. Add to that a defeat to England in the first round of the 2021 European Championship play-offs and you have the team's longest slump since reunification. How did such a strong football nation end up in such a state, entering its own tournament? Forget about schadenfreude, how do you translate “universal consideration”?
Hansi Flick inherited the team from Joachim Löw in 2021 and tried a younger core. It is understood that it was bombed after a 4-1 defeat to Japan. Julian Nagelsmann was named as his replacement after one of the highlights of the year in Germany – a 2-1 win over France between the coaches. He returned to more experienced players, but they only managed one win in four games.
This is a manager whose recent stock has been so strong that he has been regularly linked with big vacancies in the Premier League. Now he loses to Ralf Rangnick's Austria. Yes, the same Ralf Rangnick whose reign at Manchester United included defeats to Bruno Lage's Wolves, Patrick Vieira's Crystal Palace and Frank Lampard's Everton. Like people who hate long war films, Nagelsmann should already be afraid of Das Boot.
Before the game they were all smiling, but Ralf Rangnick (left) triumphed over his protégé Julian Nagelsmann in Vienna. Photo: REUTERS/Leonhard Voger
This pattern of German defeats is cause for concern. Not tactical errors or selection issues, but rather a character flaw. “You can rely on two things: the VW Beetle runs, runs, runs. And in the end, Germany always wins,” wrote Walter M. Straten in Bild. “The national football team is a reflection of a society that has become too saturated and comfortable.” Damn it.
“The national team has been in crisis since 2018 and Julian Nagelsmann is now the third national coach who cannot break free from the downward spiral,” the Süddeutsche Zeitung said. “The first step is already missing: awareness of the seriousness of the situation.”
Even their opponents are making fun of them. In Austria, it was alleged that Nagelsmann ordered goalkeeper Kevin Trapp to fake an injury so that the coach could give further instructions. “It’s pathetic,” said Austrian commentator Thomas König. “I don't do this as the German national team.”
There is a long wait until the next game in March. There is still time to change things, home support is key in tournaments and perhaps the old DNA will come alive in the face of criticism. What seems more likely at this point is shame and embarrassment.
If you're tired of Southgate's England and the narrative around it, turn your attention to Germany instead. Because a nation can only heal its differences when it unites around what unites us: laughing at the misfortune of the German team.
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