MOSCOW, December 10, Tatyana Pichugina. Australian scientists have found that the longer a person stays in his father’s house, the worse his mental health. However, young adults are increasingly choosing to live with their parents. We figured out why this happens together with experts.
Growing up and separation
In recent decades, the attitude towards growing up has changed a lot – it has become clear that this is a complex, multifaceted and long process . On the path to maturity, scientists identify six main events: obtaining a profession, first job, separation from parents, living with a partner, first marriage, birth of a child.
According to researchEkaterina Mitrofanova from HSE, the age for entering into partnerships has reached a historical minimum. At the same time, education is now completed later. In addition, young people – especially men – are in no hurry to start a family. You shouldn’t blame them, because several external factors contribute to this choice – for example, the fact that people are living longer. “Youth do not sabotage growing up, but make their debut in different spheres of life in accordance with their life schedules and in their own time,” writes the author.
A special role in growing up is played by separation from parents – in the words of scientists, separation. Territorial independence and financial independence create conditions for further development. Living separately, a person learns to control the situation, protect personal boundaries, becomes more responsible, and sets long-term goals. Separation most often occurs at the age of 23-25.
According to psychologist Ilya Mikheev, this is a difficult process that always does not go smoothly, and sometimes stops completely. Over the years the problem gets worse.
Moved in to save money
In recent years, more and more studies show that the proportion of adults living with parents is growing. Thus, in the USA in 1960, 62 percent of people aged 18-34 lived independently, in 2014 – half as much.
According to the 2020 Census, almost half of young people aged 18-29 live with their parents. This has not happened since the Great Depression of the 1940s, scientists from the University of Washington point out. According to their data, every year there are more and more people who remain in their parents' home.
One of the main reasons is the inaccessibility of own housing and the high cost of rent. The cost of saving is an increase in the number of depression among those who are forced to coexist under the same roof with the older generation, Jennifer Caputo from the Max Planck Institute for Demography found out.
In Australia, purchasing your own home is strongly encouraged, however, in the 2000s, the number of people living with their parents increased by 35-46 percent. In a recent workScientists from the University of Melbourne explain this for economic reasons and point to growing inequality of opportunity – people with low incomes are more often forced to stay in their parents' home to save money.
By breaking down the data by age, the authors found: among 30-year-old workers and families, the number of those who return to their parents’ home is growing sharply, especially in rural areas. But these are the most protected people from an economic point of view. “The housing problem is another manifestation of the global financial crisis,” the scientists conclude.
In addition, the survey showed a decrease in psychological well-being among those living with their parents compared to their independent peers. Returning to the parental home is not the best solution to the socio-economic problems of society, the authors of the study believe.
Parental hyper-care and dislike
According to a survey conducted by Levada Center* (recognized as a foreign agent in Russia) in 2016, 17% of Russians prefer to stay with their parents, even if they can buy an apartment. In 2003, there were 13 percent. According to VTsIOM in 2021, almost 28 percent of young adults live in their parents’ house.
There are two categories of people who are in no hurry to live separately, believes Ilya Mikheev.
“The first want to start a family, and most likely share the roof with their parents temporarily. The reasons that prevent them from leaving their parents’ house are of an economic nature – the high cost of housing, the need to take out a mortgage, difficulties with finding a job,” notes the psychologist.
The second cannot arrange personal relationships. “We can say that their mental apparatus is not fully formed. And this threatens a great disaster: living their own lives in the pale shadow of their parents,” continues the expert.
According to Mikheev, the proportion of adult children abroad who are “glued” to parents and those who do not have families of their own.
“Probably, the trends in our country are the same. And this, paradoxically, is due to the fact that there is less genuine love for children in the family. There are more concerns, demands, financial investments in children’s education and competencies, but there is less and less warmth and sincere joy from communication between parents and children,” says the psychologist.
It is much easier for a child to separate from loving parents, Mikheev is sure. He wants to get warmth from the cold and demanding ones – but the years go by and there is no result. This is often a hereditary problem.
“I have often heard from women that they gave birth only so that someone would love them. The child, they say, will always love me, love me unconditionally, even if I scream at him.” Such children are unhappy, they are not destined to grow up. From the very beginning, they are raised so that they do not have their own will, desires, thoughts – and remain children who will love their mother forever. Infantile adults who will never find their own lives,” the expert concludes.
Olga Khudaikulova, a psychologist at the corporate well-being platform “I understand,” also sees the tendency to live longer with parents. In her opinion, one of the main problems — unfinished separation process.
“Given that it is quite long, bilateral and should pass in waves, many parents are scared and want to smooth out the “irregularities,” says Khudaykulova.
It is beneficial for a person to live with his parents and use their resources, especially if they do not against, she emphasizes. This creates comfort, and the desire to separate disappears. Moreover, the parents of today's 18-35 year olds themselves grew up in times of scarcity and strive to give their children the best.
“Growing up children are accustomed to the quick fulfillment of desires, they always tried for them, lived for them. Hence the desire to remain in the role of a child is quite understandable, beneficial, but not always realized,” explains the expert.
Sometimes parents and children change places – the younger generation takes on the responsibility of caring for the elders. This does not always happen voluntarily, but as a result of complex relationships and various kinds of dependencies.
Another problem is infantility, adds Khudaykulova. Infantile people avoid responsibility, act impulsively, and attribute failures to external causes. This behavior, according to the psychologist, often prevents a person from building relationships, being in society and moving up the career ladder. Therefore, he remains in his father’s house, where he can hide from the dangers of the outside world. Infantilism is formed due to overprotection on the part of parents.
Leaving the parental home and the process of separation in general turns out to be very difficult, often painful for the younger generation, the specialist notes. However, overcoming these difficulties leads to an increase in psychological well-being and the formation of subjective adulthood. This means it contributes to growing up.
* An organization performing the functions of a foreign agent.
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