'Shaun of the Dead's Fat Stepbrother': Lesbian Vampire Slayers
James Corden proved the existence of Satan when he worked twice with Meryl Streep, became a superstar on American television, and earned the highest bill in Cats. Because surely few stars survived such a dizzying rise without at least a little help from evil forces. Especially if you have a movie called «Lesbian Vampire Killers» on your resume.
What's charming about the 2009 horror comedy, aside from its very existence, is how far removed it is from today's incredibly prestigious, Hollywood-conquering Corden. The man who convinced Tom Cruise and the President of the United States to appear on his latest Late Late Show has since rejected the film at every opportunity.
The lesbian vampire killers also typified the low point of his on-screen partnership with Matthew Horn, a late-noughties real-life Ant and Deca pair whose brash, lowbrow style quickly proved so unpopular that they reportedly never spoke to each other again. At least until Christmas 2019, when they reunited in a special episode of Gavin & Stacey, the BBC sitcom that made them both famous 16 years ago.
To the credit of the Lesbian Vampire Killers, this is not a total disaster. Truth be told, it's sometimes funny, in the vein of a flippant comedy revue at Blackpool Pier. But it's undeniably rude and unambitious — a Lynx Africa from the movies or a Redbull bank and a copy of Nuts Magazine in the hands of a builder whistling wolves. It's as edgy as the Hard-Fi blaring from the All Bar One's speakers, and as shabby a relic as the Hollyoaks calendar featured in the January sale.
Horn and Corden play thinly veiled. variations of their television characters. Corden is Fletch, the uncouth, sex-obsessed nerd, and Horne is his henpecked best friend Jimmy, who was recently dumped by his «full fucking bitch» girlfriend. At a pub called The Bush Inn, they promise to go on vacation together and score as many «f——«s as they can, only to end up in a sleepy Norfolk village cursed by the title's lesbian vampire killers.
Director Phil Claydon adds a certain visual chic to it all, saturating the colors and adding visual effects that give the film a real comic book feel. His script, however, is rife with moan-worthy sexual gags and bodily features, few of which inspire more than a little chuckle. This does not mean that such things are always inherently bad. In truth, showy goofiness goes a long way in comedy, even if it's often met with a kind of smug cynicism.
There are moments in The Lesbian Vampire Killers that really work, scenes that play out like a guiltyly funny mix of Austin Powers and Steve Coogan's 2001 Hammer Horror House series, which even had an episode called «Lesbian Vampire Mistresses of Lust» «. In one scene, Corden's character is tasked with exhuming an ancient penis-shaped hilt weapon called the «Dilldo Sword» to exterminate vampires. In another, a lesbian vampire explodes in goo, leaving behind nothing but two silicone implants.
But more often than not, the line between funny childishness and tasteless exploitation is thin. “Were we just a light buffet for a bunch of hot jerks?” Corden’s character asks at one point, effectively summing up the occasional misogyny and homophobia that the script recurs to regularly. Critics of the era were completely unimpressed, with The Telegraph describing the film as akin to «a 20-year-old can of rancid minestrone in the back of your mom's pantry.» “Like Benny Hill is back from the grave,” wrote Screen Daily, while The Mirror eloquently called him “the fat half-brother of Sean of the Dead.”
It was no surprise: «Lesbian Vampire Killers» simply typified the latest in a string of foul-mouthed and widely detested British sex comedies that came out every few years in the 2000s, usually featuring TV hosts. In 2004, there was The Sex Lives of the Potato Men, which tried to turn Johnny Vegas and Mackenzie Crook into movie stars, and the infamous Fat Slags, a Viz comic book adaptation starring Geri Halliwell, Naomi Campbell and Eamonn Holmes. «Mad Cow», «Run for Your Wife» and the disaster of «All Saints» «Honest Word» take pride of place in this nightmarish roll call.
However, what was particularly awkward about the reaction was how sincere much of the press was about the film. Claydon spoke of his satirical qualities in an interview, citing his love of the Hammerhead horror genre and the influence of B-movie classics such as Vampire Lovers and Evil Twins on his film.
In addition, there was so much enthusiasm from the participants that the reaction to the film in hindsight reads as crushing. «You expect the script to come along and be kind of a cheesy, low-level B-movie plagiarism [based on the title],» Claydon told Den of Geek. «But no, it was smart, witty, cheeky, funny and offered more than the title actually sold.» > Mianna Buring and Vera Filatova in The Lesbian Vampire Killers
After visiting the set during filming, Rotten Tomatoes spoke to an excited Corden. «It's all about being around women,» he told them. “That's the idea of a lifetime, isn't it?… The desire of every man to do something to win over women… Do you like Mike Leigh films? [The lesbian vampire killers] are very similar. It's definitely going to be awards season!»
Although Corden's statements were slightly tongue-in-cheek, he also told Claydon that he had been trying for years to get the film off the ground despite repeated financial failures. «Phil was the heart of this movie,» he told Indie London. «It's inspiring that he never lost faith in it.» However, he expressed slight doubts about his release, namely whether he and Horn were at risk of being overexposed.
«It's a constant worry!» He said. “It's so weird to walk in and see yourself in a magazine or on buses and in phone booths… We hope we don't get on anyone's nerves because that's the last thing we want to do. It's really worrisome, but it's really out of our hands.”
Lesbian Vampire Killers was released a month after the pair received dismal reviews as UK hosts, and 10 days after Horne & Corden, a doomed BBC Two sketch show called «as funny as credit default swaps». There was a sense of comic gloating in the air.
James Corden and Matthew Horne on stage during the BRIT Awards with Kylie Minogue , 2009 Photo: PA
Along with stories of Corden's arrogant behavior backstage (which became so common that his Gavin & Stacey co-star Rob Brydon had to tell him to «stop being a jerk»), he and Horn quickly became unfunny flies buzzing around your picnic. . — everywhere, all the time and putting out not-so-good stuff at a speed that never matched their level of talent.
Then something unusual happened — they completely disappeared. Supposedly intimidated by the unflattering comparison to Little and Big, Horne and Corden took an indefinite hiatus. With no more episodes of their sketch show, both men attempted to rebrand themselves as more prestigious actors and comedians. The scene attracted both, although Corden received the lion's share of good reviews from One Man, Two Guvnors. Rumors then surfaced that the couple's friendship had fallen apart abruptly.
Corden denied the rumors, telling Piers Morgan in a 2011 interview that the couple «never fought» and instead, «We were the same person for a long time . If there's one thing I regret, it's that we rushed it. We did our own sketch show, but there was a lot of backlash. It was hard to get through it. We sailed on this amazing wave, and then it just fell.
Matthew Horn and James Corden reunited for Gavin & Stacey. Special Christmas offer. Photo: Tom Jackson.
“In a year, we spent 263 days together, and from that moment on, nothing came of it,” he continued. “We didn't speak for several months. Both of us had to find and establish ourselves outside the two of us.”
Horne, meanwhile, was a little more concise. In 2016, he told The Mirror: “James remains a friend and never has been. We have remained friends since we met. We've done different jobs together, and now we're both busy with other things.»
Despite the fact that the couple's current relationship is still surrounded by ambiguity (in 2019, Horn answered a journalist's question about their rumored relationship feud), there is no ambiguity in Corden's views on The Lesbian Vampire Killers.
Asked by HeyUGuys in 2014 if he regretted his career, Corden answered without hesitation. «Lesbian Vampire Killers!» He said. “If the crystal ball could arrive, I would probably give it up, I think. I mean, there's too much to say, too many mistakes, but that's what makes you stronger and makes you want to be in other good things… It's crap. It's so shit. It seemed like crap at the time, but no one could have imagined how crap it was.” He also joked that watching the film would be too harsh a punishment for Guantanamo Bay prisoners.
We sincerely apologize to everyone watching The Lesbian Vampire Killers on TV. like life back. #we all make mistakes #fun time x
— James Corden (@JKCorden) February 1, 2013
Corden's distaste for this movie shouldn't come as much of a surprise, especially since it's a title you can't hide on your IMDb page (even if it was retitled to the much less obscene The Vampire Slayers for its DVD release in the United States) . But there's also something slightly irritating about his rejection of the film, especially when Rene Zellweger and Jennifer Aniston have always acknowledged the fact that they have films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4 and Leprechaun in their past.
< p>«Lesbian Vampire Killers» is a broad, sloppy, and almost unforgivably crude piece of work. But it was also kind of a passion project for those behind it, and hearing it get beat up endlessly by the incredibly wealthy American celebrity who starred in it when he didn't have as many options is dark. Claydon, to his credit, continues to make films, most recently the 2016 horror film Inside, starring alias actor Michael Vartan. But it must also hurt, especially when Corden is left in the grip of the grotesque and the incomprehensible.
In Cats, released in 2019, Corden wears a thick Monty Python-style suit. dives into garbage cans, swallows whole fish and coughs up hairballs. Is this progress?
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