Simon Briggs tests Aston Villa's Castore football shirt to the limit. Photo: Simon Briggs
“DELIVERED! Enjoy your new product.» — says a joyful letter from the Aston Villa online store. But will I like the proverbial wet shirt? The one that instantly satiates you during your workout? It is whispered that this shirt will make even Prince Andrew sweat.
The latest version of the burgundy and blue kit, retailing at £115 (or £130 with the player's name), speaks poorly of both the Castore manufacturers and themselves Villa. In the ranking of the best kits of the season according to Telegraph Sport, it took last place. And that was before we heard about its side effects.
My testing kit arrived in the mail yesterday. When I peeled it away from the packaging, the fabric seemed almost identical to the surrounding plastic. Clearly no animals or plants were harmed in the making of this shirt. There was about as much natural fiber here as you'd find in noodles.
Torn between sizes, I ended up ordering a small. The idea was to replicate the figure-hugging effect that Villa players reported. In women's teams, the discomfort went beyond the physical. «No woman I know wants to be hot and sweaty and have her gym gear getting caught all over her,» BBC commentator Jacqui Oatley said last week.
Amid claims Aston Villa's 'wet look' shirts are weighing players down…
Our @simonrbriggs checked it out…#TelegraphFootball #AVFC pic.twitter.com/Ics7mhAEfK
— Telegraph Football (@TeleFootball) October 3, 2023
Having not been called into training at Bodymoor Heath at the last minute, I took my shiny second skin to the gym. A half-hour ride on a Wattbike will allow you to separate cotton from polyester. And indeed, not even five minutes had passed before an unpleasant tingling sensation appeared in my back. Either someone walked on my grave, or the shirt was already stuck like film.
I must point out that I was an unreliable character at the best of times. No one would trust me with a reverse spinning cricket ball for fear that the dry side would be ruined. But even I was not prepared for the sweatshirts that burst out of my pores.
Nor for the process of cleaning up after that. I sprayed water like a fire hose, forming a huge puddle at the foot of the car. I got off the bike and headed to work with a paper towel and hand sanitizer spray — plus a little help from an understanding member of staff at David Lloyd Leisure. But a mop and bucket would be nice.
The Wattbike remained quite wet. Photo: Simon Briggs
Even though I now look like the «Before» section of a deodorant advert, I remained at the crime scene for a few more minutes. I was discussing Castore with my new friend: the gym director, who generously forgave me for flooding his floor.
We agreed that Castore's tennis form, pioneered by Andy Murray four years ago, is excellent. But perhaps the firm's rapid expansion, which includes contracts with the England cricket team as well as Rangers and Newcastle United, among other football clients, has left them stretched thin? The new Villa shirt was made in China, where last year's shirts were imported from Turkey.
Andy Murray has no there were problems with the T-shirt Castore tennis uniform Photo: Getty Imaged
However, we didn't talk for long until my teeth started chattering. It was as if I had climbed straight out of the nearby pool and into the ferocious air conditioning of the gym. So I took a shower and gathered my things. Next time… well, if you're lucky, there won't be a next time. But if they were, I would make a mental note to take a second bag with me. After stuffing the wet shirt with the rest of my clothes, I might as well have dumped the water bottle in there too.
I still had to repeat the same process this morning. My boss insisted that natural light would make it easier to take humiliating photos. This time, when I was doing shuttle runs at the local park, at least I had a slight breeze in my face. But after about 20 minutes, the result was the same: half man, half otter, only significantly less cute.
Aston Villa are already in talks to end their equipment contract, according to news reports. I can understand why. Based on my experiment, this shirt is only suitable for one sport — water polo.
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