It is bad to convey words written by someone else to an audience of peers who are outwardly enthusiastic but inwardly expect you to will be completely disorderly, all with the knowledge that no matter what happens, the party will likely end up divided over it?
If you stop looking at the similarities, it is easy to understand why there should be such a strong connection between the art of politics and the art of karaoke. MPs love him, they simply love him, by many estimates (mine) more than any other industry group in the country.
Perhaps they think of it as training. After all, volunteering to sing during karaoke means opening yourself up to scrutiny and embarrassment, slipping past gaffes and hoping that the power of your charisma will simply preserve the moment. Who knows how often this happens in private rooms in Whitehall (remember, Sue Gray, as a senior civil servant, kept a karaoke machine in her office), but disciplines never overlap more than during party conference season.
There, in the cleaner air of the regions, when the booze is flowing and the tensions in Westminster have subsided, every evening after dinner a mid-level or shadow minister, giddy with Jägermeister and crazy about the branded stationery of think tanks, throws his lanyard over his shoulder and decides what this country deserves, what it needs is to hear them scream a Queen song in a dimly lit banquet hall. Audience? Dozens of their worried colleagues, a handful of disbelieving lobbyists pretending they weren't broadcasting it all live on social media, and a functional group quietly wishing for a fire alarm or an asteroid or a nerve. a gas attack can end a moment earlier.
The latest offender is Dame Priti Patel, who didn't so much perform Robbie Williams' Angels at the Tory conference in Manchester this week as just watch. And yet it was karaoke. And, taking the stage, the former home secretary joins the illustrious supergroup of MPs. So let's rank them. From terrible to even more terrible, from terrible to worst, from karaoke to kara-absolutely not good.
2023: Dame Priti Patel sings Robbie Williams' «Angels» 
It's hard to understand what's going on here. There's Dame Preeti, as central, gray-suited and blank-faced as David Byrne in Stop Making Sense (he's not, by the way), howling with Robbie Williams between someone who looks like Paul Hollywood and Minty from EastEnders.
Unfortunately, the former Home Secretary doesn't have a microphone, so we can't judge her voice and are left to judge only by her awkward, sober lip-syncing. Arms folded and oddly formal, she recalls the moment Queen Elizabeth II joined Ozzy Osbourne, Cliff Richard and others on stage at the end of the palace's golden jubilee party in 2002.
«She won't leave me…» we hear as the camera pans to Liz Truss, who famously left the nation after 49 days in Number 10, and belle of the ball Nigel Farage. He just opens his gaping maw and laughs like a trash can right in the faces of the Tories. Damn, damn video.
Best Alternative Song:I Am The Law by Anthrax
Kara-okay or kara-absolutely-not-okay ?More likely the latter. She has no lyrics, no microphone — why is she there? 1/10
2023: Munira Wilson sings «Don't You Want Me» by The Human League
Twickenham MP Munira Wilson and Richmond deputy leader Jim Millard shout out «Don't you want me, baby» at a karaoke night during the Lib Dem conference pic.twitter.com/4VIt42H3pU
— Rachel Burford (@RachaelBurford) September 25, 2023
A recent request from a Liberal Democrat MP for Twickenham, singing with Councilor Jim Millard. Munira increased her constituency's Lib Dem majority at the last election, so I guess the local answer is yes. She does it well, supporting Millard (who's having too much fun), but it's hard to escape the fact that the room they're in has the party atmosphere of a holding cell. Is there even an audience? Was it simply staged in an empty corridor and leaked online to prove that the Lib Dems could have fun? Hungry Russell Brand fans, here's a bone for you.
Best Alternative Song:A Little Party Never Killed Nothing (All We Got) Fergie
Cara -okay or kara-not-okay at all?Now I’ve decided that this is all a setup, I can’t unsee it. February 10
2022: Angela Rayner and Jonathan Ashworth sing Don't Stop Believin' Journey
Angela Rayner performs karaoke!!< br>
Welcome x pic.twitter.com/uRx9TSBjqF
— Graham Hughes (@EveryCountry) September 27, 2022
It would be a shock if Angela Rayner wasn't among the drunken karaoke crowd, given that one of her 7,219 tasks as deputy leader of the Labor Party is to have plenty of personality and charisma to cover up Keir Starmer's almost complete lack of it. Florence Welch's hair, Joan Jett's shoes… compared to most MPs, especially Jonathan Ashworth, Rayner is a convincing rock star.
Best Alternative Song: Tory Scum (I Don't Like 'Em) by Pinty
Kara-okay or kara-absolutely-not-okay ?The song is basically a football sing-along at this point, but at least it wasn't sung by Queen. For most of the MPs on this list, karaoke is the most they've ever given. But we know that this was hardly even the weakest result obtained by Rayner that hour. However, Ashworth lets him down. I can't explain how, he just does it. June 10
2021: Teresa Coffey sings («I've Had») «The Time of My Life» by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes 
The timing is completely wrong. Coffey, who you'll soon discover loves karaoke, clearly had the time of her life as she belted out the Dirty Dancing anthem with fellow MP Will Ive in 2021. She was Work and Pensions Secretary at the time and had just overseen massive cuts to Universal Credit. But look how much fun she has!
The rhythm picks up as the band prepares to kick it up a notch for the chorus, and Coffey begins to spontaneously race, her chiffon scarf flying up and down. At this point, she gets a look on her face that I'm sure means she's contemplating whether to continue the song with a guttural death metal growl before deciding, «No, Teresa, resist — that's disturbing enough as it is.»
Best Alternative Song:1st of Tha Month by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony or Turnip Song by John Oates
Kara-okay or kara- not-at-all-okay?Well, at least she's having fun. Someone in the country needs to do this. April 10
2018: Matt Hancock sings Queen's Don't Stop Me Now 
No, shut up. Close. Up. It's not… it's not Matt Hancock, is it? Wait, wait, Matt Hancock MP? The former health secretary turned star of too many podcasts, I'm a Celebrity, SAS: Who Dares Wins and the most disturbing CCTV footage since this woman put her cat in the bin? Doing something awkward and attention-seeking in front of the camera? Shut up. No, no, I don't believe you. He would never do this. If there's one thing we know about Matt Hancock, it's that he doesn't tolerate publicity for the sake of personal pride or integrity. Don't believe me, sorry.
(N.B. Yes, it's Teresa Coffey again. To our collective regret, no one stopped her then, she was having such a good time.)
Best Alternative Song:I'm Shy by Self Esteem, or It Wasn't Me by Shaggy
Kara-okay or kara-absolutely-not-okay ? Why does he look like he's doing a screamo song? Was this taught in the same class as the power rack? Excruciating. 1/10
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