Jules Breach and Hugh Woosencroft play… the edge of a game show. Photo: Shutterstock
The night Bournemouth knew they would be When the cheering fans at Dean Court first rose to the top level, they sang. No usual prosaic «we're going up» phrases; it was a special occasion. The crowd sang the 'Match of the Day' tune.
That's what ITV is facing with its EFL Highlights program, a program that can only mean a downgrade of the institution. The relegation for Leeds, Southampton and Leicester means not only a trip to Rotherham, but also a long switch to ITV4. And a much worse theme song.
Judging by jazz music, the desired mood is a brilliant game show. Hosts Jules Breech and Hugh Wusancroft are expected to roam the screen in gold sequined jackets, applauding the retired audience who couldn't get tickets for Senseless. But this season, the show has done without a studio and experts, and it seems that Breach and Woozencroft's team rotation system is used as the only host.
For experts, this is not such a big loss. The analysis of each incarnation of this program usually boiled down to something along the lines of: «Now three [wins/losses] in a row, [Manager X] is [doing/working] [up/down] there.» On Saturday we were in the friendly hands of Woozencroft, starting with empty seats at the Hawthorns and then asking questions of Carlos Corberan and Michael Kerrick. When he also spoke to Middlesbrough player Johnny Howson a few minutes later, it seemed like we watched the interview longer than the match itself.
Given that 72 teams are taking part in the event, it is not easy to find the right time. Almost 30 minutes later, out of the allotted 95, we still saw only four teams, but the rest of the championships, as well as the first and second leagues, passed at a brisk pace. The nagging question remains: who is it now? The notion of a Birmingham fan interested enough in watching Barrow's best moments is becoming increasingly blurred. Is there a fan of the First League at all? Perhaps in Fleetwood, which is now playing its 11th consecutive season at this level.
Even for them, Sky is offering adequate two-minute reviews of every Football League game, all online until 7pm this Saturday. The EFL YouTube channel futilely reviewed its own program by posting 10 minutes of Southampton 2 QPR 1 hours before the start of the ITV4 show. In this context, who looks forward to almost half past nine to catch a glimpse of their side?
But there's something comforting about this format in and of itself, especially after the quick loss of classified results and Jeff Stelling at a lower level. There is a parade of inherently stupid nicknames: Baggie and the Bantams, the Lions and the Lilywhites, the Royals and the Robins. There are language that you're only hearing now in this context: goals are «stacked» or «notched» and many things go «from bad to worse».
The most seductive thing is the feeling that football is entertainment. The lower the league, the funnier the goals. This is one of the best comedies available right now on free channels. Look at the penalty Carlisle missed in Port Vale and find the best joke of the last five years on Do I Have News for You?
When Exeter City players were greeted by young men waving large flags, the boy mistimed his grip and threatened to injure one of his heroes. Ashley Barnes scored a Norwich penalty against Huddersfield in front of a 'GRITTY EYES' billboard.
Norwich players during their glorious victory over Huddersfield Photo: Pennsylvania/Richard Sellers
Two Sunderland players approached to the game as if they were starting their eighth consecutive life sentences in a maximum security prison, and not the slightly more preferable day in Coventry.
From a technical point of view, there is nothing wrong with this, except for some audio problems. There were two rounds of applause for all six of Swindon's goals against Crowley, and the crowd was too loud to hear the announcer for anyone who stayed close at the glamorous clash of Newport and Sutton. It seemed almost fitting, slightly absurd.
The lie that the championship is worth watching because it's competitive is becoming increasingly unconvincing as parachute payouts rise. The real attraction of the Football League lies in the lack of clinical glamor of the top division. Is this a viable TV show? Maybe not for long, but I will miss him when he is gone.
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