Frank Lampard could barely watch his team's loss to Brentford in the middle of the week. Photo: Shutterstock/Dave Shopland
Stop me when this gets too ridiculous. The following Tuesday, redeeming the mess they had made in Manchester, theoretical title challenger Arsenal beat a team at the bottom of the Premier League form table. Then Bournemouth and Nottingham Forest, both 'fighting for their lives' so 'not to be taken lightly' despite not being very good at football, have narrow victories against less motivated opponents. /p>
Over the next 12 days, Manchester City and United have won at home against the same opponents they beat City and drew away against United earlier in the season.< /p>
On the final day, Newcastle United need a win in London to qualify for the Champions League. They provide it. Saudi Arabia has declared a national holiday as Eddie Howe is paraded through Riyadh on the shoulders of local well-wishers, Dan Byrne gets 33 thoroughbred racehorses, and a skyscraper is dedicated to Sean Longstaff.
You were probably with me until the last sentence, which makes you believe in Chelsea's unlikely way to lose points. That would leave them at 39, an ominous number. Forty points = safety is one of the unshakable beliefs of English football, timeless or indicative of the actual number of players needed to stay up. Thirty-nine would have been enough in all three seasons, as the top division was reduced to 20 teams in 1995-96. And yet, in the current state of Chelsea, the unthinkable seems alarmingly possible.
This is a team that has forgotten how to score and draw, not to mention win, and Frank Lampard speaks grimly about the massive loss of confidence. The plan, if you can call it that, was to enlist him as a firm hand with authority to motivate top level players. Of course, he had to be better than Bruno Saltor, perhaps the most reluctant manager in the history of the Premier League. But as a motivational tool, Lampard was about as successful as the old statue of Michael Jackson at Craven Cottage. And about that consistency: Lampard's Chelsea record so far is five games, five defeats, nine conceded, one goal.
His post-match interview in Brentford was a grim spectacle (remember the horror show below), which really should have included a hotline number if you were affected by any of the traumatic issues raised: team balance, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Brentford is good at faceoffs.< /p> 
It was a far cry from the securely smiling Lampard of the Stamford Bridge headers and banners, a completely miserable man. Now, just weeks after his third round at the country's most tiring club, he looks so dreary, as if relaxing after a long day at Cobham with the complete works of Lars von Trier.
Not content with it. Having defied the wise “never come back” cliché in 2019, Lampard did it twice, both times as a human shield. Never come back? Nonsense, keep coming back. If at first you can't go back, go back again.
Despite Todd Boly making it rain with midfielders instead of banknotes, the picture at Chelsea is no less complicated than Lampard's initial transfer ban. This time around, the fans won't be satisfied with the fact that the former hero couldn't make it up, although perhaps Boeli could have swung the Government just before the Lesa game and put Roman Abramovich out for a couple of kicks at half-time?
Before you get too excited, Chelsea's doomsday scenario will likely require Leicester to score 11 points in their remaining five games or Everton 12 in theirs. Even so, Bournemouth, West Ham United, Leeds United and Forest are at least beating Lampard's sluggish side.
But since the season started in August, there was such volatility that events that seem long ago actually took place less than nine months ago. Cristiano Ronaldo plays for Manchester United, Scott Parker manages a top team, Tottenham fans experience positive human emotions. Chelsea's shock relegation would be the perfect end to the strangest season in a generation.
Свежие комментарии