Stay tuned: Victoria Wood and Julie Walters in Self Service. Photo: BBC
“Never touch the shrimp. You know, they hang around sewer pipes, stomping around with their mouths open? They love it!” This brilliant satire about the state of the British waterways was written in 1987, before they were privatized. Seven years after her death, Victoria Wood still has her finger on the pulse of the nation. She was born 70 years ago Today, the date is marred by regret for what could have been: unmade films, unwritten musicals, unperformed stand-up comedy.Instead, all anyone can do is honor the memory of a woman who, few would argue, remains our queen of comedy.
To mark the day, Birmingham's representative introduces the creation of the Victoria Wood Drama Award for Comedy, the first ever major theater award dedicated to comedy, is worthy of praise because it was at the University of Birmingham that Wood studied drama, and in the theatre, it is her first success.The first winner will be announced next April.
The BBC is doing its bit by exhuming two rarities. Arguably Wood's greatest dramatic work, and certainly his most autobiographical, Pat & Margaret is on iPlayer. As well as “Cru in Crewe”, her excellent TV essay for “Great Railroad Journeys”.
As the author of Wood's official biography Let's Do It, I'm perpetuating something. This weekend in Bury, I'll be sharing the treasure trove that is her archive at the Happy Festival celebrating her life and work in her hometown. I also wrote the cover art for the new double vinyl album of her iconic sketch show Victoria Wood As Seen on TV and edited the reissue of Chunky, a compilation of her scripts published in 1996.
While working on them, I was again struck by Wood's profound originality. The destiny of the bold new comedy is to become what the next wave will oppose. This happened with The Goons and Monty Python. This has never happened to As Seen on TV.
Queen of Comedy: Victoria Wood Credit: Donald McLellan/Getty Images
Spanning the landscape of British television, this show remains an inexplicable one-off . And not only because he flooded the screen with funny women, although in 1985 that in itself was really new. And also the fact that one of them wrote a lot: sketches, songs, stand-ups, monologues. This has never been done before or since.
If I needed one sketch that captures the inimitable essence of Wood's genius and her unique ear for the surreal music of everyday speech, it would be Self Service with Julia Walters. The one with shrimp, in the most ordinary dining room. Richard E. Grant loved her so much that whenever they met for dinner in just such a dining room, he would quote her zest to the author. Walters told me it was her favorite song.
Like many of Wood's greatest hits, it's a duet in which she modestly poses as a beta woman, succumbing to Walters' gift for pinning violent, neurotic, and self-obsessed women. It was a dynamic they repeated for 30 years—as young friends on Talents, sisters on Pat & Margaret, mother and daughter on Dining Ladies, lesbian neighbors on Beyond the Marigolds, their latest collaboration.
Here Walters is Enid – this is her name in the script, although it was not used in the recording. Standing in line with her tray, she complains about the offered fare (“Sorry, I think you'll find it's spam”), telling her friend Vin about visiting the salon and her choice of hair color (conker or polished beechnut?) for the upcoming buffet of smoked meat suppliers 'n' mix.
Victoria Wood and Julie Walters at 'Self-Service' Credit: BBC
Everything we need to know about Enid is tightly packed into three and a half minutes. She reads Woman's Weekly even though she probably doesn't want to be beaten up by one of them. Although no husband is mentioned, we can assume that he supplies smoked meats and does not have fun in bed. “It's like being poked all the time,” Enid says irritably about his gypsy kidney. – Can you imagine it? “No,” Vin replies deadpan, who apparently doesn't get any sex at all (but only makes Wood laugh).
In terms of cultural tastes, Enid has a soft spot for Alma Cogan and Phyllis Calvert, but not for foreigners. “What country?” she barks when they say soup is a country vegetable. “Taiwan?” In a cut section, she denounces toast as a “dirty French habit”. “Grey eggs,” she asks in response to the sketch, “is this an Arab custom?”
Enid is not only a racist, but also a misogynist. She is rude to the women behind the counter (played with startling indifference by Sue Wallace and Lil Rowley, two stalwarts of Wood's comedy troupe). Celia Imrie then pushes past, declaring that she has no sweets. “Very wise, with those hips,” Enid snaps.
It was outrageous even for Wood, the first comedian to fix precarious female bodies and joke about tricks to subdue them. “You know,” Enid says, “I've been going through this store from top to bottom. Can I find a thermal belt with side wrapping, can I buffalo. It is no coincidence that this stunning opening speech followed a sketch advertising bras for men.
Victoria Wood and Julie Walters in 1989. Image Credit & Copyright: Tom Stoddart Archive
Due to a time delay in the schedule, “Self-Service” appeared in print first. Barmy, the second of Wood's albums, was published in October 1987. The “As Seen on TV” special did not air until December. Some of the jokes donated for broadcast were saved for publication: “Do I look like the kind of woman who would decorate her lobby with an Axminster with piping?”
The clearest edit of all is by Wood's handwriting in a filming script I found in her files. As the blond waitress Rowley directs her to the back of the line for drinks, Enid gives her an accusing look and unleashes a grotesque curse. “You look like Eva Braun, did you know?” It was a perfectly measured update to the line that Wood crossed out: “I've always wondered if Eva Braun died in that bunker.” (Never wasted material, she reworked it from an unused script: “Did anyone tell you you looked like Molly Weir?”)
Self Service is exceptional in another way. Due to the limited cost, producer-director Jeff Posner had to improvise and shoot from behind a table in a restaurant instead of behind a counter. So Wood and Walters do the whole sketch over their shoulder for the cameras behind them.
For those who were on the recording, it would be difficult to see much. Not that it bothered them, especially when Enid came up with an outrageous excuse for not standing in line. “Can I pass by? I am diabetic”. In this virtuoso prank that combines the talent of a screenwriter and an actress, Victoria Wood's studio audience did what the studio audience had never done. In the middle of the sketch, applause erupted.
The Happy Festival takes place in Bury on 19 and 20 May. Today comes Victoria Wood As Seen on TV (Demon Music Group); Chunky (Trapeze Books) out September 21
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