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  5. Take that, The Expendables: The 10 Most Absurdly Violent Action ..

Культура

Take that, The Expendables: The 10 Most Absurdly Violent Action Movies of the Eighties

Sylvester Stallone in the movie «Cobra» Photo: Alamy

As the fourth Expendables film hacks, shoots and crashes into theaters, audiences can be forgiven for feeling disappointed. Compared to the cast of the other three films, which included such icons as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford and Bruce Willis, the ensemble for this film — ridiculously and unpronounceably named Expend4bles — is decidedly more B-list, with the likes 50 Cent, Megan Fox and Dolph Lundgren support the star duo of Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham. The first reviews, as expected, were not very kind.

Fans may be reassured by the knowledge that this film, unlike the third in the series, is rated R (Certified 15 in the UK), but even the BBFC's advice that it contains «rare instances of gore, including severed limbs, decapitations and disembowelments” is inappropriate. unlikely to satisfy the true action fan who will find this film (and others) fundamentally boring.

It's with these bloodthirsty viewers in mind that we present a selection of 10 films that The Expendables might want to emulate in terms of violence, but will never come close to their sheer deranged vivacity. . Most of these films can never be called «good» in the traditional cinematic sense, but they all contain moments that, once seen, are never forgotten.

1. The Fighter (1980)

James Glickenhaus's horror-thriller, revolving around a traumatized Vietnam veteran who returns to New York and takes revenge on the gang that paralyzed his army buddy, could be seen as a more violent version of the vigilante film Death Wish: itself hardly an exercise in gustatory restraint . Glickenhaus commented on the unrelenting brutality of The Fighter by saying that «TV and film have long sanitized violence. Someone points a gun, it goes off, and on the other side of the street some guy yells, “Aaaah,” and falls. But violence is actually quite unpleasant, and I thought it was my responsibility to portray it that way.”

A noble intention, but it would have helped if he could have cast an actor who could act in the lead role (his star Robert Ginty makes a decent impression of a plank of murder) and if the script had attempted something other than glorification of the hero with increasingly insane actions. Still, more than four decades after its release, it remains a stunning spectacle with brutal excess.

Most Violent Scene:Among all the bleakness, the top spot has to go. to the scene in which the mafia boss is fed by a giant industrial meat grinder, in some detail.

Christopher George and Robert Ginty in The Fighter Posted by Alamy 2. Sudden Impact (1983)

Even though Clint Eastwood is an Oscar winner and generally makes great films (with a few notable exceptions), he has to allow himself to be distracted by schlock from time to time. The fourth installment in the Dirty Harry series, in which Harry goes on the trail of a serial killer who is proven to have righteous motives for her actions, is a perfect example of a deeply stupid and borderline misogynistic film masquerading as a much better film. . Eastwood directed the picture and cast his then-wife Sondra Locke as the rape victim; a few years later they divorced. Still, between the sickening sexual violence and the absurd fates of the villains — one of them impaled on the horn of a carnival unicorn — Eastwood at least remains as charismatic and prominent a character as ever.

Most Absurd Scene: More iconic than absurd, this is the movie Dirty Harry in which Eastwood's character tells a robber, «Come on, make my day,» pointing at Magnum. in his face.

Clint Eastwood in the movie “Sudden Impact” Credits: Alamy 3. Savage Streets (1984)

After Linda Blair rose to fame with her unforgettable performance in The Exorcist, the eighties were more turbulent; she's been arrested for cocaine possession, posed for Playboy and appeared in such unapologetically terrible potboilers as this teen vigilante exploitation picture in which she plays Brenda, a young woman who seeks revenge after the rape of her deaf-mute sister and her pregnant best friend . killed. The sheer malevolence that leads to Blair's vengeful fury makes the opening scenes almost unwatchable. But the fashions and soundtrack are no longer 1980s, the gleeful lack of taste and hilariously dark dialogue mean this film takes its place among the quirkiest films of the decade.

The most absurd scene: As is often the case in these films, the best is saved for last when Brenda not only shoots her would-be rapist in the leg with a crossbow, but also hisses at him, “It’s a shame you don’t have bi-joints, because if you did, you could.” bend over and kiss your ass goodbye!»

Linda Blair in Savage Streets Photo: Alamy 4 Commando (1985)

Many of Arnie's eighties films have stood the test of time, be it the thrilling time travel of The Terminator, the epic scope of Conan the Barbarian or the intensity of Predator. However, his silliest—and therefore most guiltily entertaining—film of the decade is the patently ridiculous action movie Commando. It's clear from the film's nonsensical tagline — «Somewhere, someone will pay» — that logic and character development are not a priority, but the adventures of the stoic former special forces colonel Schwarzenegger, wonderfully named John Matrix, are brought to life. with all the cruelty one could hope for. Matrix has a special penchant for impaling his enemies on immaculate household items, and a table leg and a steam pipe are used in his one-man mission of righteous destruction. It's very silly and a lot of fun if you're in the mood.

The most absurd scene: less bloodshed and more of the Matrix’s immortal taunt to the henchman: “Remember, Sally, the last time I promised to kill you? I lied!» After the henchman is down and killed, Arnie jokes, «I let him go» with a fairly deadpan threat.

5. Death Wish 3 (1985)

The first two Death Wish films may not have been classics of cinema, but they at least hinted at dealing with issues of morality and social justice. By the time Michael Winner came to direct the third picture, he and his star Charles Bronson had abandoned any pretense of seriousness and turned the ongoing exploits of vigilante Paul Kersey into an ultra-violent farce. It all starts with Kersey's character (all of whose family members have been killed in previous photos) returning from a year of freelance vigilantism across America, and it only gets more absurd from there. The emphasis on sexual violence — a hallmark of Winner's brand of cheap action films — leaves a decidedly sour taste, but Bronson is as gruff and charismatic as ever, and the film's ending has to be seen to be believed.

Most Absurd Scene:The climactic shootout, in which Kersey and his allies take out seemingly endless baddies popping out of abandoned buildings before Kersey kills the main antagonist with a rocket launcher.

Charles Bronson in the film “Death Wish 3” Author: Alami 6. Invasion of the USA (1985)

If Chuck Norris had not existed in the eighties, he would have had to be invented, since the martial arts expert was the archetypal figure of the Reaganite right. He's made a number of completely insane films over the decade, but the most gloriously mindless is Invasion USA, in which Norris's CIA agent Matt Hunter must fight a group of Soviet-backed Cuban refugees who have infiltrated Miami and unleashed a wave of terror as a result. . Norris claimed that he was trying to draw attention to a real social problem that he had read about (of course) in Reader's Digest, saying, «This movie is not intended to scare people, but to make us aware of a potential problem… We're trying to make a statement here.» Unfortunately, any genuine attempt at political insight is buried beneath one-dimensional characterizations, sadistic violence and a performance from Norris that was aptly panned by one critic as «an actor whose most memorable facial expression is his beard.»

Most Absurd Scene:When Hunter finally confronts the film's main villain, Soviet agent Rostov, he needs more than just a gun to take down such a dastardly villain. It's good that he has a bazooka on hand.

Chuck Norris in Invasion USA Author: Alami 7. Cobra (1986)

The Expendables star Sylvester Stallone famously turned down the lead role in Beverly Hills Cop, which was then hastily rewritten around new star Eddie Murphy. Instead, he decided to make this ultra-violent police thriller that blends elements of horror films in its level of intensity. Stallone, who also wrote and collaborated again with his «Rambo» director George Pan Cosmatos, is a brooding presence as the unstoppable detective «Cobra» (with the inscrutable Christian name «Marion») who encounters a Darwinian cult known as the New World , led by the sadistic serial killer known as the Night Slasher. Clearly indebted to Clint Eastwood's endlessly excellent Dirty Harry, Stallone nevertheless manages to ramp up the violence — the film had to be heavily edited to avoid an X rating — while maintaining his charismatic tough-man image. The movie poster's tagline, quoted in the film itself, also remains classic: “Crime is a disease. Meet the cure.

Most Absurd Scene: Many films of the era liked to see their antagonists die in particularly creative ways, and Cobra was no exception; At the end of the film, the Night Stalker ends up impaled on a convenient hook and then burns alive in a giant furnace.

8. Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

The Troma exploitation studio never had the slightest intention of making films with any degree of artistic integrity. Even so, their notoriously silly comedy thriller Surf Nazis Must Die was met with particular condemnation upon its initial release; legendary critic Roger Ebert walked out of the show after 30 minutes, citing its enormous bad taste (the main villain is named Adolph) as invalidating the entire reason for its existence. It has subsequently been re-evaluated by some astute viewers as a satire of both Nazi iconography and Californian surf culture, but its central revenge plot, in which an elderly woman sets about exterminating the eponymous fascist surfers after they murder her son, contains all the low — eyebrow violence and cheap thrills that the target audience may expect. It also looks incredibly cheap, and was clearly made on a budget that would barely allow its protagonists and antagonists to wear beachwear.

Most Absurd Scene:This has to be a jumble between a scene near the end where a woman is (unconvincingly) decapitated by a speedboat, and one of the least erotic sex scenes in cinema, interspersed with scenes of people surfing. .

Nazi surfers must die Author: Alami 9. Roadhouse (1989)

Patrick Swayze ruins his entire reputation as a gentle romantic hero in Rowdy Herrington's ridiculously violent and wonderfully titled thriller. Swayze plays Dalton, a mysterious “tough guy”—essentially an elite bouncer—who is hired to run security at a Missouri bar and soon becomes embroiled in sinister local tycoon Ben Gazzara and his cronies. The plot doesn't make much sense, and the near-constant stream of unintentionally camp dialogue («I used to fuck guys like you in prison!» one henchman declares in a fight) and the overemphasis on Swayze's muscles suggest that the creators aren't entirely into take your film seriously. Still, when it comes to gory and violent thrills offset by a healthy dose of ridiculousness, this picture, currently being remade by Doug Liman and starring Jake Gyllenhaal, is at least more watchable than many others on this list.

The most absurd scene:Throughout the film, it's implied that Dalton once ripped out a man's throat with his bare hands, and at the end we see a repeat of this ultra-violent party.

10. Wanted: Dead or Alive (1989)

After early work with Paul Verhoeven and a memorable appearance in » Blade Runner Rutger Hauer could have expected a stellar career. action movie «Wanted: Dead or Alive.» Based on Steve McQueen's fifties television series, Hauer brings a gruff charisma to his bounty hunter character.

Rutger Hauer and Gene Simmons in the film “Wanted: Dead or Alive” Photo: Alamy

But what distinguishes the picture from pure quality and oddly watchable is the downright bizarre casting of none other than Kiss' Gene Simmons as an Islamic terrorist named Malak Al-Rahim, who Hauer's Nick Randall is asked to hunt down, only to — as is usually the case — be double-crossed. his employers switched over. Simmons is hardly Laurence Olivier, but the sheer incongruity of his appearance — at a time before Kiss had been rediscovered — gives this B-movie a bracing strangeness. Oh, and it's cruel too.

Most Absurd Scene:After Randall captures Al-Rahim and delivers him to his treacherous employers with a grenade in his mouth, he pulls the pin from the grenade and the audience is treated to a vision of Simmons' prosthetic head , separated from his body.

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