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Jake Humphrey Exclusive: I Was Bullied Constantly at School — Criticism on Social Media Hurts

Jake Humphrey admits his views may provoke a variety of reactions. Photo: Rii Schroer

“A resounding success story, albeit with a hint of Marmite flavor.”

That's how one TV insider describes Jake Humphrey, and an hour spent in the company of the former BBC and BT Sport presenter, complemented by numerous book recommendations and doses of life advice, certainly confirms a rare energy and sincerity.< /p>< p>It also reveals a broader backstory that, after being mercilessly bullied as a child, is truly both harrowing and, yes, inspiring.

Last year, Humphrey stepped away from his dream job of reporting on Champions League football to have more time for his family and to immerse himself further in the world of high performance.

“I always had a feeling that time flies very quickly,” he explains. “And the longer I ran the High Performance podcast, the harder it became for me to be a football presenter. I wasn't always so comfortable. Boyish banter is not for me. I find it a little difficult to live in a modern world where strong opinions are valued more than anything else.

“I often felt like I was doing a whole week of high performance, compassion, understanding, and people-oriented work. Then on Saturday I talked about firing coaches and players, criticizing the decisions of the referees. I've been dreaming for a long time, but I wasn't brave enough to take the leap.»

Humphrey and His High Co-host of the performance art podcast, Professor Damian Hughes

Humphrey already retired from presenting Premier League football last year, while the High Performance podcast, which he co-hosts with Professor Damian Hughes, has grown to 100 million downloads, sold-out theater shows, training centres, leadership courses, star-studded students, as well as guests and a second book, which will be published next month.

Yet you won't have to search far on social media to find someone willing to take aim.

Humphrey stresses that yes, of course, he is well aware that certain posts — such as his regular pleas that A-level results don't necessarily define you, or his personal list of «world-class essentials» — will cause a lot of reactions. But he won't be intimidated.

Jake's personal list of «world-class fundamentals»; Photo: LinkedIn

«I think you'd be a sociopath or something if it didn't get through the armor sometimes,» he says. «I will never apologize for telling someone who is going through a difficult situation right now, 'This will never end.' What's the alternative? Telling people with difficult upbringings that you are a hopeless person? I'm trying to rationalize it. I think to myself, “Instead of worrying about what they said, try to think about why they needed to say it.” I would think about the things that reinforced this criticism and try to understand what that tells us.»

He then recalls publicly defending his BT Sport colleague Karen Carney after she was subjected to «chauvinistic and disgusting bullying» which saw her forced off social media and himself subjected to a barrage of abuse. “I always thought that if you just let it go, you become as complicit as anyone else,” he says.

Humphrey also cites a recent description of the High Performance podcast as «cheap fortune cookie wisdom» and says: «I was thinking about the people we've been interviewing in the last couple of months, Dame Stephanie Shirley, who fled the Nazis on the Kindertransport. and built a technology business that it sold for billions; David Smith, a former athlete who is now sadly dying of cancer; Sarina Wigman talks about how she changed English football, and Professor Brian Cox.

“The only place where the reaction is happening is Twitter. No one has ever stopped me on the street and said this. How can I make a trustworthy product using Twitter comments? All I can do is share what I think. I don't hold any of these opinions. [But] when the same messages are from the same people, I feel exactly the same as when I was bullied at school.»

Humphrey emphasizes, however, that many of the guests are shaped by their «struggles» rather than their successes, and that they invariably still share a resilient optimism. He is clearly a shining example, and his honesty about past issues, including bullying in high school, is amazing.

“When we drop off the kids, I still get that sick feeling when I see them leaving with a bag over their shoulder,” says Humphrey.

“It still excites me… god, that feeling of having to do it day after day, knowing what's coming. There were two buses parked in the school parking lot, and I would go there, sit alone, and just have lunch. I think it's the relentlessness of having to come back and do it again and again. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

“That’s probably one thing out of all the things I wouldn’t want to relive. At that age, especially at that time, people didn't really know how to deal with it. In a meeting, I was asked to stand up and the teacher asked, “Can people stop making fun of this guy?” This only makes things worse.

“This went on for a couple of years, and then I changed schools. It still fills me with an uneasy feeling. But I think when something is difficult… I think there's real value in that. I'm not saying spend your days in a toxic environment, but I am saying, «Don't constantly avoid what is difficult, or challenging, or doesn't necessarily feel right.»

“If I've learned one big lesson from High Performance, it's to thank all of your employees. You might think about your first boss, your wonderful colleagues, the wonderful people who changed the way you look at the world. But we should also look at the people who bullied us because they built our resilience.

“We should also think about the first boss who fired us because he made us realize how harsh the world can be. We must think about the people who criticize because they create our coat of arms. Resilience is the most important thing we have.»

On the loss of his grandmother Ena while he was studying for his A-level exams (which ended with grades U, N and E), Humphrey says: «She suffered for a long time death of her husband. He was disabled and she was his guardian. Without knowing it, it was a truly powerful reminder of the fragility of life.

“I was completely useless at school, completely useless at sport, I had very few friends, no real hobbies, I was quite a late developer, living in a small village in Norfolk, and then something happened. A fire lit up inside me: “You don’t want to waste a second, you don’t want to lose your breath, you don’t want to do something that’s not good for you… let’s go and do something.”

Humphrey duly set his sights on television and, after numerous rejection letters (which he kept), gained work experience at Anglia Television. By 22, he was co-hosting the CBBC program with Holly Willoughby, although his cheerful on-camera persona masked serious mental health problems.

In his early 20s, Humphrey presented CBBC with Holly Willoughby (right). Photo: Chris Capstick

“I remember my parents leaving and I had a nervous breakdown,” he says. “The first thing I did to get in touch was call the Daily Mirror number… one of those 0891 numbers. I spent a year not sleeping. My wife would wake up at night and say, “Why is the bed wet?” And I would say, “I guess because I used to go to the gym and sweat.” And you lie there in panic.”

With help, Humphrey eventually flourished, and by the time he was asked to head up the new BT Sport channel, the BBC was offering a multi-year deal to present Match of the Day 2, Sportsman of the Year, World Cup etc. European Championship, Formula -1 and the Olympic Games. He still wanted to join BT Sport, hoping to combine some of those roles, but the BBC made a clean break and, for good measure, ruled he couldn't present SPOTY this year.

In his new book, How to Change Your Life, Humphrey says he was told he wasn't loyal. “It was very painful,” he says now. “I guess you could say I was unlucky. I was the last person it actually happened to. It wasn't long after Gary [Lineker] moved to BT and started playing in the Champions League and it was still normal for him to carry on.

“I'm not bitter. It worked for everyone. If I were in their place — with this guy who was shown on children's TV and who was given a chance to play sports — I would probably be like this.»

Humphrey (left) performs on BT Sport with Michael Owen, Steve McManaman and David James. Photo: Suzanne Plunkett/Reuters

Humphrey also co-founded production company Whisper TV (and is chairman of a local sports charity) and while he says sports broadcasting has «never been more exciting», it appears he has found his absolute passion. “It’s still a little unclear why High Performance achieved what it did,” he says. “Almost every country in the world listens to it. I get stopped every single day.

“Sir Keir Starmer, the Leader of the Opposition, listens to him regularly. Two or three Premier League managers write to me all the time — a couple want us to come and talk. I regularly receive messages from Gareth Southgate with a little criticism of each episode.

“Nobody asks me about Formula 1 anymore, nobody asks me about the football presentation. They just want to talk about high performance and what it has done for them. In this regard, High Performance is the first time I feel useful.”

As any listener of the show knows, Humphrey and Hughes always ask their guests to define «high performance.» In the unfamiliar role of an interlocutor, Humphrey does not need any prompting.

“High performance is really about doing the best you can, wherever you are, with what you have,” he says. “I think many of us put off our happiness, thinking there comes a point in our lives when everything makes sense. Joy must be sought in deeds, in struggles, in difficult things, in good days.

“So I can't say that and then have a huge problem with someone criticizing me. It's all part of this journey. Can I get 100 million downloads without getting criticized on Twitter? No. Would you accept it in exchange for the impact you've made and the people you've helped? Yes, absolutely.

“I live in Norwich, the UK's second-highest city for social mobility. I firmly believe that you are not tied to the situation you are born into.

“In reality, we are all judged by whether we put energy into the world that makes other people feel good. There will always be people who don't resonate with it, but I feel like now I've found myself and I'm really comfortable in this place.»

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