Most popular: Eurovision songs including Cliff Richard (top right) and Katrina and the Waves (bottom right)
Eurovision Song Contest 2024 starts this weekend. All eyes are on Malmö in Sweden as Britain pins its hopes on It's A Sin star Olly Alexander and frontman of Years & Years. His comments about the Union Jack flag have already made headlines, but his song «Dizzy» is a serviceable pop banger.
Victory may be unlikely for the singer, but he should at least avoid the dreaded 'zero points' received by our 2021 entrant James Newman. Or will he? To find out, tune in to BBC One to watch the Grand Final at 8pm on Saturday 11 May.
The UK's track record at Eurovision has always been controversial. Dodgy double-crosses and misguided voting tactics have seen us finish anywhere from first place (last time in 1998) to last place (last time in 2021).
Here we look back at all 66 works from the UK to see how they have survived, from the ridiculous to the sublime.
66. Gemini, Crybaby, 2003
Now famous for its zero points in last place, every part of this song is a mess. The pop duo from Liverpool admitted their performance was out of sorts. They claimed that they did not hear the backing track. Unfortunately, we could.
65. James Newman, Embers, 2021
In other hands it might have been mediocre. There was a car accident in Newman. Surrounded by giant trumpets (a nod to the parping synth horns) and wearing a collection of zippers held together by faux leather, Newman sang like a dad going to karaoke after a few pints rather than a global competition contestant. the most popular music event. He seemed to be out of breath and struggling to hit even the few notes the song required, and he earned all his zero points.
64. May Muller, “I Wrote a Song,” 2023
Poor May Muller. At one point, she was a promising young artist, shiny and fresh, the pop of TikTok. She answered a pub quiz next, staring down the dead end of a frozen singing career. Yes, her recording — a copious dose of meaningless auto-tuned chatter — was pretty terrible; but her second-to-last place felt more like an inevitable fall after Sam Ryder's surprise triumph with Spaceman last year. Ah, well, she always has the option of returning to acting.
63. Ryder, Runner in the Night, 1986
Just listen to that awful, squelching synth bass. This artificial sextet, led by the charismatic Maynard Williams, had an unprecedented failure on the pop charts. Unlike our previous Eurovision entries, Ryder's entry failed to even crack the UK Top 75. No surprise: it sounds like a rejected Survivor B-side.
62. Daz Sampson, Teenage Life, 2006
This misguided hip-hop project pairs aging rapper Daz Sampson with a group of girls in school uniforms. Their catchy «baby» chorus takes aim at the youthful rebellion of Pink Floyd captured in «Another Brick in the Wall (Part II)», but paired with Sampson it sounds more like Tim Westwood freestyling at a primary school assembly.
61 . Joe and Jake, You Are Not Alone, 2016
The pasteurized leftovers of The Voice, Joe and Jake were as addictive as low-fat yogurt. At the time, I hated the tacky corporate gray of this mainstream pop album, but listening to it years later—after all those pandemic-era reassurances that “you're not alone”—it now seems like an innocent relic of a simpler time. Still boring though.
60. Blue, I Can, 2011
Before 2011, no one thought they would look back fondly on the «good» Blue days. But this proliferation of synthesizers marked a new low point for the once successful boy band. “I know I can… rise again,” they sang. They couldn't. The song took an unremarkable 10th place. In subsequent years, each member of the group found himself not only musically, but also financially bankrupt.
59 . Skuch, Under the Flag (for you), 2007
Everything that felt fresh about Gina G's 1996 disco hit was regurgitated here as electropop. Desperate for classic camp status (which they've sadly since achieved), Scooch pulled one of the laziest gimmicks of any UK Eurovision entrant: «Let's dress like airline stewards! Because we sing a song about flying!” An eight-hour Ryanair flight delay would have been more fun.
58. Nicky French, Don’t Play This Song Again, 2000
The title says it all.
56. Black Lace, Mary Ann, 1979
It might not be Black Lace's worst crime against humanity (that would be «Agadoo»), but this country-rock flop was still crap. A generous listener might call these growling vocals a nod to the then London punk scene, but this plodding, winking performance is closer to George Formby than Johnny Rotten.
56. Emma, Give the world some love back, 1990
Almost as bad as Black Lace's humor was Emma's sickening seriousness. “We should be proud of all the great things we have achieved,” begins this environmental mope, sounding like a particularly confusing episode of Thought for the Day. Don't blame the 15-year-old singer, who puts in a pretty solid performance. It's all the fault of the song's author, Europop one-man Paul Curtis, who, after penning The Shadows' superb 1975 song, fielded more than 20 Eurovision entries (most of which were rejected in the Song for Europe competition).
55. Samantha Janus, A Message to Your Heart, 1991
Songwriter Paul Curtis is back in Bob Geldof mode with this preachy power ballad, reminding audiences that “because of politics and ignorance//half the world is in need.” A few years later, Janus made a greater impression on television viewers as Ronnie Mitchell in EastEnders.
Samantha Janus at Eurovision (left) and as Ronnie Mitchell in EastEnders Photo: BBC 54. Josh Dubovi, It Sounds Good to Me, 2010
It may have sounded good to you, Josh, but not to everyone else.
53. Lindsey D., No dream is impossible, 2001
In fact, Lindsay, one dream is impossible to achieve: Britain winning Eurovision this century. This would have been just disappointing (rather than annoyingly terrible) if it weren't for the bandana-wearing goofball who interrupted Ms. D by offering motivational goodies like «be strong» and «keep pushing» while pretending he was good at play the synthesizer.
Synthesizer «No Dream Is Impossible»' made its UK debut in 2001. 52. Michael Rice, Bigger Than Us, 2019
Meh. This useful but unexciting item was a second-hand item that had fallen off the back of a truck. The song was written for Swedish Eurovision entrant John Lundvik, who was scheduled to perform at another Melodifestivalen. Lundvik wisely decided he didn't need it, so we took it. X Factor rejection Michael Rice finished last in the entire competition, which seemed a bit harsh: there was nothing wrong with Rice or the song, although nothing right.
51. Ricky, Light Only, 1987
This dull ballad—a flop in both the competition and the charts—was a grim omen of things to come. Listen to the eighties synth and in those overwrought vocals you'll find the germ of all the fear-inducing sub-X-Factor numbers we've come up with in recent years. Completely hopeless.
50. Precious Say It Again, 1999
Okay, I'll say it again: completely hopeless. However, unlike Ricky, Precious had a future: one of the girl group's members, Jenny Frost, had three number one singles with Atomic Kitten.
49. Diva, “Love Enough for Two”, 1980
Billed as a «group specially formed for the competition», Prima Donna was a Frankenstein's monster of Eurovision, assembled from a former New Seeker, a future member of Bardo and the brother of someone from Bucks Fizz. Noel Edmonds introduced them that evening, and even he — a man who believes in invisible karmic balls the size of melons — seemed skeptical about their chances. The song may have been nonsense, but the fashion of the early eighties (block colors and high-waisted trousers) was on point.
48. Electro Velvet, Still in love with you, 2015
Electro swing had a brief moment of popularity in the early 2010s; «We No Speak Americano» hit number one in 2010, and genre acts like The Correspondents earned critical acclaim. But by 2015 this moment had passed. The same year that hipster bible magazine Vice called electro swing “the worst genre of music in the world,” we nominated an electro swing duo as our Eurovision entry. Despite their keen sense of style, Electro Velvet looked like a couple of guests arriving at a party after midnight, sober and uncomfortable, just as everyone else was leaving.
47. Ko-Ko, Bad Old Days, 1978
“I was lost in learning, like a song without a key…” Indeed. Those lyrics were a little harsh for this shaky, unforgettable performance. It finished in 11th place, which at the time was Britain's worst Eurovision result to date. Cheryl Baker of Co-Co found the best outlet for her talents three years later in Bucks Fizz.
46. Sandy Shaw, Puppet on a String, 1967
Okay, yes, this was our first Eurovision winner. But this wasn't meant to be. Throughout this terrible nightmare, Shaw appears dead. “I was instinctively put off by the sexist nonsense and the cuckoo clock,” the barefoot pop star later admitted. She's not the only one.
No strings attached: Sandie Shaw in 1967 45. Lulu, Boom Bang-a-Bang, 1969
Our second winner was better, but not much better, reminiscent of the soundtrack to a Bavarian children's cartoon. After her superb work on “Shout” and the title tune for the 1967 film “To Sir with Love,” Lulu landed here. This is how the sixties end, not with a bang, but with a whimper.
44. Live Report, Why Am I Always Wrong?, 1989
Another tearful ballad sung by a bald man barely hanging on to his tail. Despite an unimpressive performance and questionable fashion choices (tie, leather tuxedo, beige trousers), the judges still found something to admire: she came in second place with the best 12 scores of the night.
43 . Lucy Jones, Never Give Up, 2017
“Siri, sing me a Celine Dion B-side.” Welsh model Jones tried in vain to bring any energy, humanity or warmth to this languid by-the-numbers anthem. His lyrics were roundly ridiculed on social media due to poor timing; it was our first Eurovision bid since the Brexit referendum, when the UK told Europe we're actually quite happy to give you up.
42. Scott Fitzgerald, Go, 1988
Take a deep breath. Inhale that cheese. Like a good Camembert, this piece of exaggerated schmaltz has matured over time and now has a twisted, kitschy appeal. Written by Bruce Forsyth's daughter Julie, it incredibly came within a hair's breadth of victory, finishing in an undeserved second place. As his namesake, writing about Gatsby, once put it: “There is nothing more disgusting than other people’s luck.”
41. Olivia Newton-John, «Long Live Love», 1974
As John Travolta later sang, “Why, Sandy, why-ya-yee?” Before she found fame on the big screen in Grease, the gorgeous Olivia Newton John ground her teeth while listening to this choppy march tune. When she said the words «HAPPY PLAY PEOPLE» she sounded like she was going to bite at their jugular veins. The song is supposedly about the Salvation Army, and this military rhythm gives it a strangely oppressive feel. It's like playing at Disneyland in North Korea.
40. Pearl Carr & Teddy Johnson, Sing Little Bird, 1958.
Is this a bird? This is a plane? No, it is a double act between husband and wife. Carr and Johnson gawk blankly as a small bird flies past their gaze (an animated piccolo from the orchestra). “Sing, little bird up there/Sing a love song!” Those with the highest tolerance for twee may enjoy this; for everyone else, this is a convincing argument in favor of the benefits of bird flu.
39. Ronnie Carroll, «The Ringing Girl», 1962
It all starts with that promise. With his dark appearance and strong, smooth tenor, Belfast-born Carroll seduces us in the opening bars before launching into a chorus so irritating that it has been proven to give listeners the mumps. Ring-ding-a-do? Ring-ding-no need.
38. Ronnie Carroll, Say Wonderful Things, 1963
Returning to set things right in 1962, Carroll returned to Sing Forgettable Things surrounded by three identical chorus girls. This is an improvement over his previous work (although both songs peaked at number four). A nice walking guitar riff elevates this composition above just slush.
37. Cliff Richard, Congratulations, 1968
It may still be popular, but this unbearable tune is not worth congratulating. However, Sir Cliff's amazing dance moves deserve applause. They certainly made an impression at the time: after one particularly impressive backflip, his female fans could be heard screaming in excitement.
36. Vicky, Love is…, 1985
Vikki's underpowered power ballad may not have made it into prize material, but her hair stylist certainly deserved the prize. After Eurovision the song disappeared without a trace. Vikki has since renamed herself Aeone and has relaunched her career as an ambient folk singer from Los Angeles with great success.
Vicky, styled to perfection in 1985. 35. Belle and the Devotions, Love Games, 1984
It may be mediocre, but Games of Love didn't deserve the booing it received that night. In fact, the Luxembourg crowd booed the England football team after the appalling behavior of the fans at a match in the Duchy last year. Not for the last time, an otherwise innocuous Eurovision song was ruined by politics.
34. Clodagh Rogers, Jack in the Box, 1971
The tune is so relentlessly cheerful that it requires medical sedation. Northern Irish singer Rogers gives it her all, but neither her vocal talent nor her itchy pink outfit can make this new effort a classic. Not very good, but at least it's not Puppet on a String.
33. Jade Ewen, «It's My Time», 2009
By the end of the 2000s, even Andrew Lloyd Webber could not lift the UK out of the decade-long eurozone malaise. Not only did he write this frustratingly complex tune, but he also played the piano for Ewan in the competition. Despite beige lyrics (courtesy of Diane Warren) and a competent but unremarkable melody, Lloyd Webber's international profile and savvy pre-competition publicity lifted «It's My Time» to a very respectable fifth place.
32. Jessica Garlick, Come Back, 2002
The exact middle of the Eurovision spectrum. The song is neither brilliant nor terrible, and has absolutely no distinctive features. Written by Martin Bailey, an airline pilot from Birmingham, the ballad is something of a pop touchstone: the relative success of any song on this list can be measured by it. In other words, things can only get better from here.
Jessica Garlick: Pop Barometer 31. Brian Johnson: Looking high, high, high, 1960
Ah, the story of a charming baritone stalker who hunts everywhere for his runaway woman. Aside from the poorly whistling interlude and its dubious sexual politics, it's actually quite fun. Out-of-work actor Johnson happily serves ham. When he sings, “You sure could sweep me off my feet/With the proverbial feather,” he looks like he really means it.
30. Kenneth McKellar, «The Loveless Man», 1966
«A man without love is only half a man…» Viewers were given the opportunity to see a rare glimpse of the lower half of a man in the role of McKellar — the then king of Scottish pantomime. contour — went on stage in a kilt. He delivered a passionate rendition of this heartfelt tune, adding a bit of spice with a casual glance at the Caledonian kneecap.
Kenneth McKellar: Highland Hunk , 29 years. The Ellisons, Are You Sure?, 1961.
It's the sixties, baby! The pope arrived, albeit in the most meek form imaginable. The Ersatz brothers «John and Bob Ellison» (Brian Alford and Colin Day) smile politely in this soapy, clean, barbershop-scented duo. But the voices are wonderful — so smooth that they slide into one ear and straight out of the other.
28. Javin, Touch My Fire, 2005
Now, some cynics are claiming that Javin Hilton only won the TV preselection because of her Janet Jackson wardrobe fail. But this does her a disservice. “The cheeky, bangra-infused R&B of Touch My Fire was far better than the song bookies had tipped to represent the UK that year, Katie Price's auto-tune train wreck 'Not Just Anybody.' However, when it came to the Eurovision Song Contest itself, he failed miserably, finishing 22nd out of 24.
27. James Fox, Hold On to Our Love, 2004
A nice and refreshingly simple mid-tempo song for acoustic guitar (with Fox's brother Dean on drums). Disappointingly for Great Britain, it only finished in 16th place. His unexpectedly low ratings have prompted accusations of voter bias from pundits such as Terry Wogan, Bucks Fizz singer Cheryl Baker and, erm, Fox's mum. However, in hindsight, the result may have been due to their lackluster performance rather than brutal tactical voting.
26. Francis Raffel, We Will Be Free (Lonely Symphony), 1994
The funky slap bass and sultry vocals in the verse made the song worthwhile, even enjoyable, while the stunning chorus allowed Raffelle to demonstrate the lung capacity that has landed her star roles in several West End musicals. And yet, the two halves never came together, so this is more of a miss than a stunning success.
25. Olly Alexander, Dizzy, 2024
The video for this year's song is truly bizarre, featuring the singer locked in a dingy Trainspotting-style apartment before spinning around like a hideous MC Escher design. But the song itself is a solid, if rather unimaginative, power pop hit. Featuring a catchy chorus and an electric beat, with any luck, it should ensure that the UK do little better than last year's penultimate humiliation.
24. Andy Abraham, Even If, 2008
The first X Factor refused to represent us, but by no means the last. A catchy, cheeky, upbeat soul number with a breakneck rhythm, Even If was our best Eurovision song of the 2000s, and yet – undeservedly – ended up at the very bottom of the table. Perhaps there is something to these rumors about tactical voting after all.
23. Sweet Dreams, I'll Never Give Up, 1983
Dressed in primary-colored tracksuits and chunky headbands, teen trio Sweet Dreams couldn't look more eighties if they tried. With its anthemic opening chords and fast-paced chorus, the song has aged far better than anyone would have expected at the time (the song peaked at number six and failed to make a splash on the charts).
22. Brotherhood of Man, save your kisses for me, 1976
At the time, it was the best-selling Eurovision winner in history. From sweet «I love you» lines to unambitious dance numbers (check out that synchronized hand-holding!), it's a relic of simpler times. You won't find a better example of wide-eyed romantic love… until the climax arrives: the beloved «child» is actually a child. Three year old child. Surprise!
21. Bardot, “One Step Further,” 1982
Underrated at the time (it only peaked at number seven), this energetic duo of Crackerjack host Sally Ann Triplett and her real-life lover Stephen Fisher benefited from the pair's palpable chemistry. It's upbeat pop with lots of hooks that would fit well on any Eurovision mixtape.
20. SuRi, Storm, 2018
You won't find a better example of the «keep calm and carry on» spirit than SuRi, who was interrupted at the end by a stage invader who snatched the microphone from her hands. Nevertheless, the classically trained singer continued bravely, winning over the public. The song itself was good — an upbeat club anthem — but it was the evening's performance that propelled it into the top twenty.
19. Imaani, where are you, 1998
Imaani Salim's soulful vocals give «Where Are You» a real emotional punch, but the backing track and flat drum machine effects are woefully dated. On the other hand, it has taken on symbolic significance over the decades as the last song to give Britain a chance of winning, with Imaani finishing in second place, a feat that would not be achieved until Sam Ryder's near-win in 2022
18. Michael Ball, One Step Ahead of Time, 1992
Another guilty treat made all the sweeter by Ball's shameless dad dancing. Terry Wogan raved about it, your parents will probably love it and after a few drinks you'll have him clenching his fists at any Eurovision party.
Michael Ball: Shameless Dancing Dad 17. Bonnie Tyler, Believe in Me, 2013
If it didn't reach the heights of «Total Eclipse of the Heart,» it was at least «Dark Noon of the Kidneys.» Tyler clearly struggled in the top spot, but soon recovered and delivered a powerful and passionate performance with a sentiment that will last a lifetime: “You never see rainbows, you just curse the rain.” The critics certainly saw the rainbow, handing her two Eurovision awards for Best Song and Best Female Singer, but the competition's real voters rained on her parade — «Believe in Me» finished in a disappointing 19th place.
16. Engelbert Humperdinck, Love will set you free, 2012
As with Bonnie Tyler, this was another attempt to win Eurovision with a beautiful but self-possessed singer dug out of your mom's record collection. If poor old Engelbert had sung this song for the UK back in the sixties, he would have easily been in the top five. Unfortunately, this beautiful Latin-tinged waltz number arrived several decades too late. Tastes changed, and the septuagenarian singer was brutally rejected by voters, finishing in second place.
15. Matt Monroe, I Love Little Things, 1964
Unfortunately, no video recording of this performance has survived. But the audio proves that Matt «The Man with the Golden Voice» Monroe lived up to his nickname. Despite the dull lyrics (“My love, I love you so much”), he sings this upbeat tune with the same warmth he brought to the 1963 song “From Russia with Love.” He took a well-deserved second place.
14. Sonya, Better the Devil You Know, 1993
Proof that everything sounds better on a keyboard. Liverpool's Sonia should have won with that irresistible dancefloor-filling rock 'n' roll foam but finished second to Ireland's Niamh Cavanagh.
13. Gina G, Oh, ah… Just a little, 1996
This was probably the first time our Eurovision song was ahead of the pop curve. With its driving disco rhythm, computerized backing track and hyper-athletic dance numbers, it anticipates the noughties hits from (at best) Girls Aloud and (at worst) Scooter. Fun fact: the tiny dress Gina wore to the pageant was originally designed for Cher.
Gina G: Making the most of Cher's second-hand pieces 12. The New Seekers, Ask, Steal or Borrow, 1972
From flowing sleeves to velvet tuxedos, The New Seekers' Eurovision look was polished to perfection. Their song wasn't bad either, with its neat harmonies and catchy chorus. Another second place for Britain and a much better result than second rate.
11. Molly, Children of the Universe, 2014
People love to complain about the UK's declining status at Eurovision, but the last few years (with the exception of Joe and Jake) have been a huge improvement on the noughties. Young Molly Smitten-Downes wrote this crowd-stimulating anthem herself — the first British act to do so since Katrina and the Waves — and the results were surprisingly very good. This «power to the people» refrain has a stunning effect, even if the underlying political statement remains vague.
10. Lynsey de Paul and Mike Moran, Rock Bottom, 1977.
It's not just a fun honky-tonk tune, but it's also quite a memorable performance. Moran and de Paul were dressed in fashionable Edwardian morning suits and sat back to back playing dueling pianos. Not everything has to be a love ballad about life and death: “Rock Bottom” proves that a little light entertainment can go a long way. This duo deserves bonus points for somehow keeping it all low-key.
Awesome duo: Lynsey de Paul and Mike Moran 9. Love City Groove, Love City Groove, 1995
Our first foray into Eurovision hip-hop was met with a lot of ridicule at the time. And yet, two decades later, it's hard to resist that funky chorus. It may not be your typical Eurovision offering, but who can argue with Q-Tee's logic when she raps: «You know I'm the one to rock your world 'cause… honey, yeah.» «Love City Groove» is actually an underrated European gem — because it's expensive, right?
8. Cliff Richard, Power to All Our Friends, 1973
By 1973, the hippie movement had died out, with the exception of Eurovision. Sir Cliff's backing band included a guitarist wearing round John Lennon glasses and a huge bongo. Extolling the virtues of simple living (“ploughing in the valley”), Richard confidently switches between soft, serious verses and a sharp, earth-shattering chorus. «Power to the bees!» Who can argue with that?
7. Patricia Bredin, «Everything», 1957
Nostalgic pleasure. The lyrics promise «all the joy of life» and «all the golden dreams of yesterday»; Half a century later, this Vera Lynn style number is served to them on a silver plate. An amateur opera singer from Hull, our first entrant, was clearly delighted to be there. Bredin's vowels may be cold as glass, but she performs with a smile and a sparkle in her eyes.
6. Mary Hopkin, “Knock Knock, Who's There,” 1970
There's a strange poignancy to this sweet, upbeat number from Welsh siren Hopkin. Paul McCartney was a big fan and it's easy to see why. Her brilliant vocals propelled her to second place, behind Irish singer Dana.
5. Bucks Fizz, Make Your Decision, 1981
Colourful, brash and just the right amount of naivety is the reason our winning team of 1981 is still so popular among Eurovisionists: it's everything we want from a competition. This skirt-ripping dance (a big display to coincide with the «if you want to see more» lyric) deserves a place on any list of the pageant's most memorable moments. Let's forget the fact that (whisper) Fizz's actual singing was more smooth than sparkling.
Bubbly vintage: Bucks Fizz 4 . Shadows, let me be the one, 1975
Cliff Richard's former band was better off without him. They were the first real rock band to represent the UK and couldn't have looked more at ease about it all. When singer Bruce Welch briefly misspoke on stage, he might have been able to get away unnoticed, but he decided not to, leaning into the microphone to joke to the crowd: «I knew it.» This uninhibited Beatles-style song not only succeeds as a standalone song, but also possesses that most elusive quality: authenticity.
3. Sam Ryder, astronaut, 2022
We've spent much of the 21st century in the Eurovision doldrums, but have found an unlikely cosmic savior in Sam Ryder, looking oddly like Sam Rockwell's Zaphod Beeblebrox from the much-maligned Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I'm still riding the giddy high of last year's result, which saw the UK move up to second place — just behind Ukraine — with our most memorable performance in decades. “I’m in Space, Man,” is a jet-inspired earworm from a cute guy with some serious rock hits and an enthusiastic falsetto. Pangalactic hit rinse.
2. Kathy Kirby, I Belong, 1965
Kirby's wide-eyed, blonde bombshell bursts into self-empowerment anthem that has earned her cult fame as an enduring gay icon. Bold and fiery, it was our first song from the sixties that actually sounded like the kind of music kids listened to, and would have been a worthy winner if it hadn't been upstaged by an equally radical entry from Luxembourg, Serge Gainsbourg. wrote 'Poupée de cire, poupée de son'.
1. Katrina and the waves, Love shines light, 1997
Sometimes the simplest things are the best. In 1997, Katrina and the Waves' peak of popularity (with Eighties hits like Walking on Sunshine) was well behind them. With nothing to lose, they committed themselves to this optimistic anthem with complete conviction. In other hands this might be pure cheese, but Katrina Leskanich's husky, all-or-nothing performance gives it unexpected power.
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